Loss
by TakumiReay
Summary: This was their night…Theirs alone. Nothing else mattered now, they were together. And they would remember it, forever. Major SasoxDei at the beginning, ItaxDei main story. Akatsuki main characters, not set in the Narutoverse. Comments appreciated :
1. Chapter 1

Title: Loss  
Pairings: little SasoDei, Major ItaDei. And Kisame having a major obsessive crush on Itachi xD

Description: It's Deidara and Sasori going to college for the first time. Its not placed in the ninja-naruto world. xD  
Authors: ReayTakumi Sheezyart

* * *

The beeping of his digital alarm rang through his sleep, cutting short his dreams of him and his red haired lover living happily ever. 

He slammed his hand down on the clock, stopping the incessant beeping. "Shut up, un," he grumbled to himself, burrowing back underneath his blanket and retreating back to dream land.

Seconds later, his dream world was interrupted again as his mother, an older looking version of himself, with the same striking blue eyes and blonde hair, slammed open the door.

"Dei-kun," she shouted, rocking the sleeping lump, "Dei-kun, wake up NOW, you'll be late for college. You don't want to be late on your first day, do you?"

The blond grumbled again, and gradually eased himself up out of bed.

He heard his mother mention something about him being too late for breakfast, and grumbled again. Great, he'd have to go to college, on his first day, hungry.

He sighed, but at least he had his Sasori-chan to cheer him up on the way. He smiled at that thought, and changed into a loose shirt and some plain jeans.

He looked in the mirror at his pale complexion, and smiled. His Sasori-chan always knew how to cheer him up, and thinking of him gave him butterflies in the pit of his stomach.

He brushed his hair up how he liked it, and picked up his rucksack, quickly making his way out of the house to get to Sasori on time.

He knew college wouldn't be easy for him and Sasori, but they could stick it out.

They'd always been a team, and had been through worse. He ran as fast as he could, and stumbled as he ran head on into the puzzled looking red-head.

Sasori smiled as he noticed how much his companion was panting for breath. "Late again, Dei-kun?"

"We can still make it, un" Deidara said, pecking Sasori on the cheek. He grabbed his arm and pulled him down the street.

Sasori's cheeks went red as he muttered "I wanted to buy some candy first, for in the break."

Deidara stopped immediately and turned to a shop "Well, we've got to hurry; I'll wait for you outside."

Sasori nodded and ran to the shop.

"Sasori-kun! I miss you already!" Deidara yelled while he waved, Sasori smiled and went inside.

"Oh Sasori-kun!" Deidara squeaked when Sasori handed him a heart shaped lollypop.

Deidara flew in his arms and hugged him tightly.

"What's this for, un?"

"It's because you've been so nice to me all this time… and…" Sasori hesitated, not sure how to phrase his emotions. He sighed loudly, and smiled weakly, "I love you Dei-Chan! You've really kept me going."

Deidara looked into Sasori's eyes mustered the sweetest smile he could… He understood what Sasori meant.

Ever since his parents died Sasori had been a different person. He wasn't as bright anymore; the sparkle in his eyes had dulled. He seemed to have a heavy heart.

From the moment he woke up, Deidara always tried to cheer him up. "I love you too, un!" Deidara said softly as he took Sasori by the hand.

"Let us embrace doomsday, un," he giggled, which translated to: First day of college.

* * *

"Whoa," Deidara sighed while he looked in the hallway.

There were all kinds of people, from the average, blond haired prep, to the jock standing next to her, attempting to get her number as she giggled flirtatiously.

Sasori looked down to Deidara, who seemed oblivious to the stares they were both getting by holding hands. "I'm gonna walk you to class, then I'll have to go or I'll be late, alright?"

Deidara looked up at him, his blue eyes glinting happily. "Sounds good to me, and you're so sweet for walking me to class, un."

Deidara smiled, as usual, and added, "Sasori-kun?"

Sasori looked towards him, a puzzled look spreading across his face.

"You're perfect, un."

At that moment, they stood in their own world, where everything was perfect and nothing could hurt them. Sasori smiled, and squeezed Deidara's hand affectionately.

"You too, Dei-Chan."

At that moment, their world was crashed into by a tall, blue haired teen. He had yellow contacts, and eyed them angrily.

"Watch where you're going, will you?" He grimaced.

Deidara cowered slightly, but Sasori squared up to the much taller, much more aggressive looking boy.

"Don't talk to me, or Dei-kun, like that again," Sasori said coldly.

Deidara relaxed slightly, knowing his Sasori-kun wouldn't let anyone hurt him.

The blue haired boy swung his arm back, and punched the air in front of Sasori, stopping millimetres from Sasori's face, but Sasori didn't flinch.

"Kisame!"

A dark haired boy, with crimson eyes ran up to the blue haired boy.

"Kisame! Leave the first years alone," the boy was tall, but slightly smaller than his friend. His hair was raven-black and he seemed to be wearing contact lenses that made his eyes the strange crimson colour.

_Maybe it's the new fashion in college, un… _Deidara thought to himself. He breathed a sigh of relief that the other, calmer boy had stepped in. He didn't want his Sasori-kun hurt.

The dark haired boy took a hold of his friend's arm, and lowered it to his side. "You need to stop picking fights Kisame, it's crowded. People are obviously going to bump into you."

The boy named Kisame scowled, and muttered under his breath.

Sasori relaxed his stance, and squeezed Deidara's hand, signalling that everything was okay.

The dark haired boy glanced over to Sasori and Deidara.

"Problem?" He said coldly. Deidara tensed up again, sensing that the dark haired boy may not be a friend after all.

The boy cut off Deidara's train of thought, saying acidly, "look, if all you two are gonna do is gawp, then I'm gonna let Kisame hit you next time. Move it brats."

On that note, the bell rang. Sasori scowled at the dark haired boy and his accomplice as they pushed their way past him.

"Oops, I got to go now Sasori-kun. I don't want to be late for class," Deidara said, as he flung his arms around Sasori's neck and kissed him.

A few people behind Sasori began laughing as Deidara skipped away, humming happily.

He didn't care about those people! He loved his Sasori-kun and didn't care who knew it.

* * *

"Hey, you," a boy sneered at Sasori from the desk behind. Sasori had a bad feeling about what was going to happen next.

"Hey, I'm calling you bitch," the boy hissed, kicking the back of Sasori's chair.

Sasori grimaced, but didn't turn around. He wasn't going to take the bait.

The boy tutted, "I guess if you aren't going to answer me, then I'll have to get the answers from your little blond friend…" The boy and his friends laughed, mocking Sasori.

_..How long is it going to take for a teacher to get here damn it…? I don't know how much more of these idiots I can stand…_

One of the boys leant forward towards Sasori's ear and murmured with a smirk, "I wonder if your little blond friends a squealer…"

Sasori leapt up at that comment, and slammed the boy's head hard onto his desk, his small form blanketing his true strength.

"SHUT THE HELL UP, NOW!" Sasori screamed, and lifted the boy's head up so that his crushed, bloody nose was almost touching Sasori's.

"If you go anywhere near Deidara," Sasori continued icily, "I'll kill you."

* * *

The lessons before lunch break passed by in a blur.

The boy with the bloodied nose had been sent to the nurse, and Sasori hadn't been blamed because the boy was too proud to admit that he'd been hurt by a "faggot."

Sasori endured three straight hours of Mathematics, trying to understand complex equations and ignoring wolf whistles and snickers from the remaining group of boys behind him.

He wasn't going to enjoy this school, and in the first three hours he had managed to make a group of enemies. Great.

He sat and daydreamed about his Dei-kun, hoping the time would pass quicker.

* * *

The bell sounded loudly for lunch break, and made Sasori jump. He was lost in his dream world, and the bell was an unwanted intrusion.

He sighed loudly and trudged out of the classroom, knowing that he wouldn't just escape his earlier actions.

SLAM

_Ugh… shit that hurt…_

Sasori was thrown easily against the lockers by the three larger boys. The largest grabbed him by his collar and pushed his face into Sasori's.

Sasori grimaced. The boy's breath smelt stale, and his face was twisted into a sick smile. He was enjoying every second of Sasori's pain.

Within seconds, the larger boy had brought his head back and slammed it, hard, against Sasori's forehead, causing the back of Sasori's head to smash into the lockers behind him.

"Hey, what the hell do you think you're doing?!" shouted a cold, familiar voice.

The larger boy who was holding Sasori up suddenly dropped him to the floor, leaving him against the lockers in a dazed heap. He had bigger things to worry about now.

Sasori made out the figure of the dark haired boy who had prevented a fight between him and Kisame earlier.

"Wouldn't it be a good idea to pick on someone your own size?" the dark haired boy smirked. He clearly enjoyed conflict as well, "more of a challenge… Or perhaps you like picking on people who you know won't be able to fight back?"

The dark haired boy crossed his arms across his chest, and smirked, mocking the bully.

The bully dwarfed the boy in bulk, but there was an air of confidence the boy gave off that made it clear who would win this fight.

The larger boy realised this too, and grunted as him and his friends backed away from the challenge, and walked away, spitting on Sasori as they passed his crumpled form.

"Y'know, I'm not going to be around to keep helping you out," the dark haired boy said, offering Sasori his hand and rolling his eyes, "come on, let's go find lover boy huh?"

Sasori's heart lifted, and all of a sudden his bruised and very painful head didn't seem so bad. In moments he'd be with his Dei-kun, and it didn't matter what anybody else did, as long as they had each other.

"I'm Itachi by the way," the dark haired boy mumbled, straining under the weight of Sasori's body, "Uchiha Itachi, and also, it seems, your bodyguard."

* * *

"Maybe he got lost…" Deidara said to himself as he leaned against the lockers in the main hallway. For the tenth time since he'd been there, he looked at his watch; minutes seemed to be dragging by as slow as hours… Where could he be?

Even the last students in the hall had started to make their way to the cafeteria or to the benches outside… Deidara winced as his stomach whined for food, but still he wanted to wait for his Sasori-kun, they _were_ a team, after all!

Finally Sasori showed up in the hallway, but not alone. Deidara saw how the dark haired boy held up Sasori, helping him get to Deidara.

"Sasori-kun!" Deidara gasped, shocked at seeing his lover in such a state. He ran towards him and grabbed him by his shoulders. "What happened?"

Sasori tried to smile, but failed miserably, wincing with the pain of his bruised, bloody head, "Well, I made "friends" already, almost got beat up pretty bad..' he said, his voice trailing off as he saw tears welling up in Deidara's eyes.

"Hey, I said almost, right?" Sasori murmured, trying feebly to comfort Deidara, "I was done for until this guy turned up," Sasori motioned at Itachi, who was easing him from his shoulders so that Sasori could go to Deidara.

Deidara smiled weakly.

"Thank you. Saso-kuns hero!" He grinned at Itachi and stuck out his hand confidently.

"I'm Deidara, but my friends call me Dei-kun," Itachi smiled at him and shook his hand "Call me Itachi, and," he added, blushing slightly, "I'm no hero. Anyone would've done the same."

Itachi turned to Sasori again. "I'm going to leave you two lovebirds alone for a while, go search for Kisame. I don't know where the hell he is… I'll meet you after break to escort you to class," He said with a grin. "Keep out of trouble."

Sasori nodded and put his arm around Deidara's shoulders. 'Bye, hero-kun!' Deidara said and Itachi lifted his hand as he walked away.

Behind the dark haired boy, a few girls came out of the toilets and stared at him. They giggled and went on to the cafeteria. _Well,_ Deidara thought, _Hero-kun must be pretty popular with the ladies…_

Sasori pulled on Deidara's arm, signalling that he wanted to go to the cafeteria… As he did, Deidara noticed he was still staring at Itachi's back, and a pale pink spread across his face.

He carried on watching his Hero-kun until he disappeared through the double doors at the end of the hall, feeling the familiar fluttering at the pit of his stomach.


	2. Chapter 2

"That was _so_ good, un." Deidara said dramatically, happily leaning back with a stomach full of fast food and candy. He patted his belly and grinned up at Sasori.

Sasori smirked at him 'I still can't figure out how a small guy like you can eat that much food and still stay slim.' Deidara smiled and looked proudly over his empty food tray.

"Y'know, art class was so awesome, un!!!" Deidara said proudly, his grin widening. "We were making things out of clay and it was so good! My teacher said I had a talabsentmindedly, trying to stay enthusiastic about Deidara's morning, but staring at his tray with sad eyes.

"…Is something wrong, un?" Deidara said quietly, concern spreading across his face. Sasori sighed, and looked into Deidara's eyes. Eyes tt so clearly conveyed his mood. Eyes that, when he was happy, would sparkle, but were now dull and pale with concern.

"Nothing," Sasori said quietly, stroking the side of Deidara's face. He was overwhelmed by this small blond boy, and it amazed him how much of an impact one person had had on his life.

"Don't lie, un," Deidara said quietly, clasping Sasori's hand in his.

Sasori sighed again, heavier this time. "I'm just a bit down about today, y'know?" Deidara nodded, his eyes urging him to continue, to trust him to be there. Sasori squeezed Deidara's smaller hands with the hand that was being clasped.

"I haven't felt like this in a while, and I'm sorry for taking the shine off your day," Sasori smiled weakly, "I can tell how happy you are about this place, and I know you'll do amazing, Dei-"

Whatever Sasori was going to say was cut short, as Deidara flung himself at him. "I love you so much, un!" Deidara squealed, burying his head into Sasori's shirt.

Sasori smiled again, and blushed slightly. It was times like these that reminded him how grateful he was to the hyperactive blond.

They sat again, in their own little world, quiet and uninterrupted. No angry blue haired teen crashed into them this time, and they looked into each other's eyes and smiled.

Sasori felt dizzy again, but this time with the emotions that were completely overwhelming him. Deidara grinned and pecked him on his forehead.

"Love you, un."

"Love you too."

Deidara stretched and edged his way back onto his seat. He was a lot smaller compared to Sasori, probably around shoulder height. He was also more feminine, with his long, blond hair tied up in a white band. From the moment Sasori had met him, he'd always felt a need to protect him from the world.

It was for that reason, that Sasori swallowed his sadness, and mustered the biggest smile he could. He had to protect his Dei-kun from the world, and from the harsh realities of it, including his depression.

"Heh, ignore me Dei-kun, tell me all about your morning," Deidara perked up at that, all worry disappearing from his eyes. His Sasori-kun was alright, and telling him more about his day was what he wanted him to do. So he did.

Sasori did a good job of putting up a front, and nodded and "umm-ed" and "aah-ed" where it was appropriate.

Deidara seemed happy enough with this, and carried on talking about his day, adding dramatic hand gestures to emphasise how much he didn't like his one class mate, and pulling awkward faces to show how the teacher looked when she was faced with not-such-a-masterpiece.

With their hunger satisfied, they got up and made their way to the benches outside.

"..I couldn't believe it, I mean, she was trying _so_ hard not to laugh, I was so surprised that she didn't..." Deidara's voice trailed off as he noticed the dark headed figure, sitting alone on the edge of one of the benches, studying his feet like they were the most interesting things in the world.

"Hero-kun!" Deidara smiled as he waved enthusiastically. He turned his head towards Sasori, confusion spreading across his face, "Why do you think Hero-kun's on his own?" Sasori shrugged, "I'm not sure, maybe you should ask him?"

With Sasori's okay, Deidara ran over to Itachi and started talking about his day almost instantly. Sasori smiled weakly. _At least if… the worst were to happen, Deidara wouldn't be alone…_ Sasori shook his head at such a thought. Of course he was sad, but ending his own life? That was unthinkable, and he wouldn't be able to ever put Deidara through the pain of loosing someone close to him.

* * *

The three sat together for the rest of lunch break, and the time passed quickly as Deidara talked about how excited he was to be top in the art class already. He repeated the funny facial expressions and dramatic hand gestures to Itachi, while Itachi looked on, bemused.

The bell rang, signalling the beginning of afternoon lessons, and before Itachi or Sasori could move, Deidara had leapt up and ran towards his class, too excited to wait for them to walk with him.

Itachi and Sasori sat on the bench, watching as the blond haired boy disappeared into the double doors and towards the rest of his Art class.

Sasori smiled to himself, but felt a pang in his stomach as he wished he could be as enthusiastic about such simple things. He gradually eased himself off the bench, sighing loudly.

"Don't feel like class huh?" Itachi tilted his head questioningly at Sasori, his eyes glinting mischief.

"Do I ever?" Sasori sighed, half smiling.

Itachi grinned, "Don't go then. Come with me. I don't feel like going either."

Itachi stood, and started walking away from Sasori, who was torn between going to lessons and not getting in trouble, but facing the people in his class, or going with this new and interesting stranger.

"What if-" Sasori said, worrying about being caught. "We're caught?" Itachi smiled, cutting off Sasori's question, "we won't be. I know a place we can go, and no one ever goes up there anymore. We'll be pretty much invisible for the afternoon."

Sasori thought for a second. He wanted nothing more than to just disappear without a care in the world for a couple of hours. As Itachi was disappearing from his line of sight, he leapt up with the same speed as Deidara going to his art class, and ran after his new friend.

"So, where is this place?" Sasori asked breathlessly, intrigued at the thought of somewhere that was completely cut off from the world that he resented so much.

"Just through here," Itachi said, motioning at an overgrown field. As they trudged through the thick grass, Sasori realised that while it was tickling his chin, the grass barely reached Itachi's shoulders.

He studied the slightly older teen with great interest. He took note that his raven hair was actually down to his lower back, not his chin as Sasori had originally thought. It was tied with a red piece of material, leaving the shorter pieces of hair to fall down around his angular face.

Itachi wore dark clothing, dark blue jeans and a loose black shirt. He had crimson tinted contact lenses, but Sasori noted that his eyes were actually a shade of dark brown.

Earlier that day, Sasori had noticed how a group of girls had giggled as Itachi walked past them, and he was starting to see why. Itachi was handsome, but seemed oblivious to his popularity.

They trudged together in relative silence, with only the occasional polite question from Sasori and answer from Itachi breaking up the quiet.

"We're nearly there now" Itachi said as the long grass suddenly stopped, and a sandy clearing surrounded them.

In front of them was a bridge. It was old and made of dark, crumbling bricks, and at one stage seemed to have been used for trains to go over.

Itachi climbed up the sandy clearing, which seemed to gradually get steeper as they got closer to the bridge.

He pulled himself up to the flooring of the bridge, which was made of the same material as the walls. It was slightly damp, and slippery to climb if you didn't have practice.

Sasori stumbled slightly, and Itachi laughed and caught him by his upper arms, pulling him up to the rocky arch as he did.

Sasori looked in wonder. It was quiet here. He leant against the slanting wall that met in the middle of the arch to form a perfect curve, and realised that to his left, there was a vast lake.

Across from the deep blue water he could make out the shapes of a city skyline. It was perfect here; he'd have to take Deidara one day. He knew that Deidara would appreciate the understated beauty of such a place.

Itachi grinned and leant against the opposite wall, almost lying down. "Home sweet home," he sighed, crossing his feet and lighting a cigarette he had produced from a box in his back pocket. "Want one?" he asked Sasori, to which Sasori shook his head.

"No thanks," he smiled again. He felt comfortable with Itachi, like he didn't have to pretend.

"So…" Itachi murmured, exhaling a small ring of smoke from his mouth, "tell me about you and Blondie then."

Sasori shifted himself into a more comfortable position and shrugged. "Well…" he started, "I will, but… don't you mind that we're…" Sasori shifted again, uncomfortably this time, and cleared his throat, "…you know? Lots of people have a problem with that…"

Itachi smirked a little and gazed at Sasori. "It doesn't matter to me. It's not like you choose who you fall for… If it's a guy or a girl, it doesn't matter as long as you love them."

Sasori smiled, though he was slightly taken aback by how calm Itachi was about the situation, he was pleased to be fully accepted by his new friend… He experienced some pretty bad people in his life due to the fact that Deidara and he showed their love in public. "So, umm…what would you like to know?" he asked Itachi.

"Just start at how you two lovebirds met." Itachi said, still grinning, inhaling some of his cigarette. He blew some smoke in the air before him and watched it disappear into thin wisps in the air.

Sasori smiled and blushed slightly "It's a rather long story… so…" he muttered. Itachi waved with his hand as a gesture that he should tell it anyway.

"Alright, here goes." Sasori said, taking a deep breath. He never really told this story to anyone, especially since Deidara was his only friend. "Our parents were friends, and sometimes visited each other… That's how I got to know Dei-kun. At that time he was more an acquaintance to me than a friend."

Itachi listened carefully, while smoking the rest of his cigarette away.

Sasori's face fell, sadness clouding his features. He closed his eyes and breathed out heavily, trying to find the right words to explain the subject that had taunted his nightmares for so many years.

"Then…uh…" he murmured softly, "My parents were…_killed_." His voice weakened at the word, as if that single word carried the weight of the entire world on it. "Afterwards, because Dei-kun's mother was my legal guardian, I had to move into their house."

Sasori smiled weakly, "Dei-kun would always try and cheer me up, and I really appreciated it."

Sasori took a deep breath, glad that his worst sentence was over… He always hated talking about his parents, as the pain was still raw all these years later… Since it had happened, he had always tried to push it to the back of his mind, as he hated to seem weak.

"He was like a brother to me, I started to love him for who he was and I felt better after some time. Dei-kun never failed to cheer me up Y'know? He just kept me on my feet. If he wasn't there for me then," he paused, and shook his head slightly, "I wouldn't be here right now."

Itachi stared at Sasori, stubbing out his cigarette on the damp floor. "It must've been hard for you." He said, his eyes fixed on Sasori.

Sasori gave a weak smile and nodded. "It was… After a while I got a place of my own. I hated to feel like a burden, so I moved out and stayed by myself for a few days. After a week I began to feel miserable and alone. I missed Deidara's cheery, bright personality around me…" Sasori paused again, and mused, "It was like, now he was gone… his light was gone… and my darkness came to me again. I realised I missed him… a lot."

Itachi smiled a little and still gazed at the red head.

"I invited him over a few times and I felt happy again, but the butterflies in my stomach began to hint that I liked him as more than just as a brother. I _loved_ him more than a brother." Sasori's cheeks went pink. "When we kissed sometime later, it felt like it was meant to be, it felt right. I knew he felt the same about me. He seemed happier then he already was."

"That's sweet." Itachi said, still smiling. A look passed his face, almost a tinge of sadness, but Sasori didn't notice.

"So how about you? Ever been anyone special in your life?" Sasori asked. It was Itachi's turn now.

Uchiha Itachi's smile vanished like snow lying in hot sun. He gazed to the lake and the skyline with sad, crimson tinted eyes. Slowly he closed them and took a deep breath. Sasori looked to his feet. He'd hit a nerve.

"Yes, there was… I had love once." He murmured quietly, still staring to the lake. "It was very special to me."

Sasori looked at Itachi curiously. "…What happened to her?"

Itachi's gaze went back to Sasori, and he looked at him with his crimson eyes… It was obvious he was going to say something that lay deep inside his soul.

Sasori looked into the crimson eyes and watched how Itachi's lips opened to say something.


	3. Chapter 3

"WHAT'S UP MOTHERFUCKERS?"

Sasori thoughts hit a block at that moment, as someone jumped out from around the corner.

"For God's sake Hidan, you ruined it! I wanted to hear the story!" a second person moaned and he appeared next to the teen called Hidan.

Itachi stood up and smirked, regaining his composure, "You know, it's not polite to listen to other people's conversations like that Kakuzu…" he said, walking past Kakuzu and patting him on the shoulder.

"Oh, and Hidan's swearing is polite I suppose?" The guy asked sarcastically. He turned to Sasori and frowned, "and who the hell is this Itachi? I thought I said you needed to check with us before you bought potential dates here again?" he pointed at Sasori.

Sasori stood up, his face reddening, and stuck out his hand to the Kakuzu guy. He looked like some sort of gang member, with a bandana tied loosely around his nose, mouth and chin, a cap tilting so only his eyes were showing and impressive muscles rippling through his shirt.

Kakuzu raised his eyebrow and looked at the hand for sometime, then stared at Sasori, unimpressed. "I asked who you were." Sasori lowered his hand, his face reddening even more. "Right… Sorry, I'm Sasori."

"You're a first year right?" Hidan said suddenly, almost crushing his face into Sasori's. Hidan was almost the exact opposite of Kakuzu. His clothes could only be classed under "Gothic" and his eyes glinted a dull lilac colour from the coloured pieces of glass he had in place. Around his dark clothes hung all kinds of religious symbols that Sasori couldn't recognise from any religion he knew of.

"He is," Itachi said, pulling back Hidan. His voice had a familiar iciness to it, and Hidan backed off from Sasori. Itachi turned to Sasori, and his voice regained warmth, "I'm sorry Sasori, these guys are… well, mental." As he said the word "mental" he made bunny ears with his fingers and laughed.

"Excuse me, WHAT?" Hidan yelled, instantly loosing his cool. Sasori had a feeling that this was a regular occurrence. "YOU'RE OUT OF YOU FUCKIN' MIND, UCHIHA! YOU AND SHARKIE ARE THE MOST FUCKED UP OUTTA ALL OF US!"

Itachi smirked and Kakuzu gave Hidan a punch in his stomach. "I said, WATCH YOUR MOUTH HIDAN. I have a reputation to think about and if you keep screaming like some complete IDIOT, then people will think _I'm _a complete idiot too."

Itachi frowned at Sasori, who smiled… Hidan and Kakuzu were stupid, but hilarious.

"Any reason for you guys skipping class?" Itachi asked, sliding down the wall until he was almost lying down again.

"This fucker over here wanted to make money for the fucking twentieth time this month," Hidan grumbled, motioning at Kakuzu, "Illegal shit you know? I get so fucking sick of it… We almost got fucking caught."

"Ugh…" Itachi groaned, pushing himself back up, "I can't be bothered to listen to you two argue like a married couple. I'm going."

He looked over to Sasori, "you coming? School's almost finished, so we can go meet Dei-kun if you want."

Sasori grinned and jumped up, walking over to Itachi. Kakuzu tutted, "You're stealing someone else's?" He grimaced and lowered his voice, "remember what happened the last time you did that Itachi?"

Itachi lowered his eyes, his face going pale. "I told you not to mention that didn't I?"

Kakuzu sighed heavily, "look, all I'm saying is… be careful. I don't know if I can see you like that again."

"Yeah man, you were FUCKED."

Sasori wondered what the two meant, and stifled a grin as Hidan received a smack round the head for cursing, yet again.

* * *

The walk back, through the clearing and the overgrown, thick grass, was painfully silent. Sasori wanted to ask Itachi what was the matter, and what had happened in his past, but when he tried to make conversation Itachi stayed quiet, and occasionally nodded or shook his head. 

He was pale, and seemed withdrawn. Sasori wanted to comfort him, but felt uncomfortable doing so, as he'd only met him that day. When Sasori reached out to touch his arm, Itachi grunted and moved away. Sasori realised that the best thing to do would be to keep quiet.

They entered the school grounds as the final bell rang, and students poured out of the buildings. They made their way to Deidara's art class, and waited outside.

"Hey, Sasori," Itachi said quietly. It was the first time he'd spoken since warning Kakuzu earlier on the bridge, "look, I'm sorry for being tetchy okay? It's just… touchy subject and all."

Sasori nodded knowingly, "it's fine. If you need to talk, I'm here."

"Thanks." Itachi smiled, and leant back against the lockers, resting the back of his head against the cold metal. He put his hand into his pocket and fished around, reaching for another cigarette.

"Those are bad for you, y'know." Sasori said, watching as Itachi lit up.

"So are a lot of things, but people still do them." Itachi said bluntly, shrugging off Sasori's concern.

Sasori found it strange that Itachi would just smoke in the school. Surely it would be against the rules. _Heh, what am I thinking… _Sasori smiled to himself, remembering that minutes ago the two were sitting underneath an abandoned bridge instead of enduring two hours of lessons.

"Uchiha Itachi!" A small man, probably just about the height of Itachi's shoulders, marched up to the pair. Itachi rolled his eyes. It was clear he knew where this would go.

"Are you smoking on school premises?" the man asked, obviously knowing the reply.

"No, of course not," Itachi said sarcastically, "Sir." As he said "Sir," he blew smoke into the short man's face.

The man coughed, but could see his words would have no effect.

"My office, tomorrow morning," He said, still spluttering as he walked away.

The two were left in the hallway, Itachi blowing smoke rings and Sasori asking him how he did it.

"I could show you, if you like?" Itachi grinning, knowing full well that Sasori would refuse. As Sasori predictably shook his head, Itachi laughed, "Your loss, kid."

It had been fifteen minutes since final bell had rang, and even the pupils who had been kept behind were being sent home.

Sasori peered into the art class, to see that Deidara was proudly talking about his artwork to his teacher. The tall, thin woman smiled as he showed her a small bird he'd made out of clay. He seemed oblivious to the outside world.

Sasori cleared his throat, and Deidara turned around, his eyes lighting up. "Sasori-kun!" He squealed, running over to Sasori and wrapping his arms around Sasori's neck, "I thought I was meeting you at home, I didn't think you were waiting, un." He pulled away from Sasori and grinned.

Deidara ran over to the desk, where the woman was still standing, and picked up the bird.

"I made this for you, un," Deidara grinned, presenting the small bird to Sasori.

"To say thank you for earlier."

* * *

Kisame cursed again in his mind, as the burley teacher ranted in his face. Ranted about how he couldn't keep loosing his temper, and how he needed to be able to control himself. How if he hurt anyone else again in sports, they'd have to prevent him from doing so again via exclusion. 

He'd heard it a million times, and grimaced as anger bubbled. He needed to go, _now_. Itachi never bothered waiting for him, but at this rate he wouldn't even be able to catch up. His raven haired counterpart walked fast, and Kisame had a feeling he'd be on the other side of the planet by now.

He noticed silence, and looked at his teacher. The man had stopped ranting, and was looking expectantly at Kisame. Shit. That meant an answer. "Uhh…" Kisame grunted, trying to think of what the hell to say, "It uhh… won't happen again, Sir."

The teacher seemed satisfied with Kisame's answer and shooed him away dismissively, walking away as he did so. Kisame took a deep breath, and brushed his matted, blue hair out of his eyes. The strain of sports had made his hair heavy with sweat. Now, exhausted as he was, he'd have to run again to catch up with Itachi.

Kisame made his way out of the classroom, trudging slowly. He was still trying to control his breathing; a technique the school councillor had shown him to control his anger. He'd had to be shown this technique after getting overly angry at a person on the opposing team, and brawling with them. In the brawl he had somehow managed to take a chunk out of the person's upper arm with his teeth.

He smirked at the memory, and ran his tongue over his sharply capped fangs proudly. It was how he'd gained his nickname in the first place.

Brushing his hair out of his face again, he looked up. His yellow tinted eyes lit up, as he saw Itachi leaning against the lockers at the end of the corridor, looking bored and exhaling enough smoke to fill the building.

Kisame smiled; maybe his day wasn't so bad after all. Itachi had probably heard he'd been kept behind, and had waited for him. But why not outside his class instead of the Art rooms?

Kisame rolled the question around in his mind, trying to think of an explanation. He made his way up to Itachi, and paused at the end of the row of lockers.

"So anyway," Itachi laughed again, winding Sasori up by blowing smoke in his face, "I can't play bodyguard all the time, okay? Not gonna be able to escort you tomorrow, got plans."

Itachi smirked, and stubbed out his cigarette on the locker behind him. The cheap paint on the locker curled slightly, and bubbled at the heat of the lit end. Itachi smiled, glad of the mark that probably wouldn't be covered over until the next time the school got money; which wasn't anytime soon.

Kisame cleared his throat, and Itachi looked over his shoulder, "Oh, hey."

Kisame's heart sunk. Itachi didn't seem bothered at all, and didn't even turn around completely to see his blue haired friend. He was more interested in that idiotic red head and his annoying brat of a boyfriend.

Itachi turned fully and faced Kisame, "Problem?" he asked warmly. Normally, he used this word to start a threat to somebody who annoyed him; a threat which usually ended "I'll let Kisame hit you next time."

Kisame sighed, "No problem at all."

Itachi smiled half-heartedly, and tip-toed to tweak Kisame's nose playfully. Kisame looked down at his friend, who he dwarfed in both height and bulk, and plastered a fake smile across his face.

He knew, that if need be, there would be no way in hell Itachi could restrain him. Kisame could easily overpower him. He stood head and shoulders above his friend, and trained with immensely heavy weights everyday. The only advantage Itachi had over him was his speed.

Sasori tapped Itachi on the shoulder, and said quietly, "Me and Deidara are going to go now, thanks for this afternoon."

Itachi grinned back, and ruffled Sasori's hair. "No problem, kid. I'll see you tomorrow if you don't feel up to two hours of Math."

As Sasori walked away, bird in one hand and an arm draped over Deidara, Itachi heard Deidara gasp "You skipped class with Hero-Kun?!"

* * *

Sasori smiled and explained his afternoon with Itachi. He missed out the part where Itachi almost opened up to him before being interrupted by his foul mouthed friend. Deidara seemed happy with the story, and noted that he'd have to join them next time. 

Sasori raised his eyebrows, "What, and miss Art class?"

"I'll bring a sketch pad with me, un." Deidara grinned up at Sasori, and Sasori smiled again and kissed his blonde haired lover on the forehead.

They walked through the small street relatively silently after that, passing small shops and cosy family homes. The street was ornately decorated, with paper lanterns on strings that zigzagged from pole to pole across the street being lit by residents as it darkened earlier than usual. It was a nice place to walk through with a lover.

Sasori's arm still hung around Deidara's shoulder protectively, not wanting to let him go. Not after today, not after seeing how loosing a lover had made his new friend so cold and pained. Sasori didn't want to let his Dei-kun go, and squeezed the smaller boy's shoulders affectionately as they walked. He needed him, he needed his company; his cheerful company.

As they passed front yards, people were quietly watching as the sky darkened. Their interests went from the sky to the boys. Sometimes people stared at them, curiosity getting the better of their manners. Deidara would stick his tongue out at them, and Sasori would always laugh. They were used to that kind of attention.

"Dei-kun…" Sasori said softly. He waited for Deidara to turn to him. "Will you come home with me? I don't want to be alone at the moment…"

Deidara smiled brightly and nodded "Of course! The more time with you, the better, un!" Sasori lifted his hand and softly cupped Deidara's cheek. "You're so sweet…Dei- kun."

_And you deserve better so much better…_

* * *

"There's nothing on, un!" Deidara said dramatically, grumpily looking at the TV. He was resting his head on Sasori's chest, and they had been watching TV all evening. Deidara had called his mother after school and had said he was staying overnight at Sasori's. 

He didn't want to leave him alone, something didn't seem right. Sasori never admitted to needing people. For him to outright ask him to stay almost screamed that something was wrong. All Deidara could do was stay with him and make him smile, like he usually did.

Deidara half-heartedly handed the remote to Sasori, who flicked through more channels. He frowned, "You're right." Sasori sighed dramatically to fits of giggles from Deidara, as he threw the remote to the ground. The TV was now blaring out a rap music video from a carbon-copy music channel.

Deidara raised his eyebrows and feigned choking. "Way to crash the TV on this channel, un."

Sasori smiled as an idea jumped out in his head. "I know what we can do," he said, smirking. He jumped on Deidara, and tickled him affectionately, making him giggle and squeal loudly.

Deidara pushed as hard as he could. He knew how this game went; it stopped when Sasori was the victim. He quickly stopped Sasori tickling him by pinning him to the ground by his wrists and putting his full weight onto his stomach.

Deidara watched, puzzled as Sasori stopped struggling instantly. Normally, their play fights would last hours. Sasori half smiled, and a shade of pink crossed his face.

Suddenly, Sasori unpinned his left and, and gently reached up to Deidara's face. He pulled until they were looking each other in the eyes, and kissed him. Deidara was surprised, and his eyes widened. What was Sasori- Deidara's thought was cut off by another warm kiss.

"I'm so glad to have you Dei-kun. I love you so much" Sasori murmured between his kisses.

Deidara's cheeks reddened, and he smiled. "I love you too…un." He said, relaxing his stance and sliding his arms around Sasori's neck, kissing him back.

They lay for a few moments, the rap music still blaring in the background.

Deidara looked into Sasori's eyes, and Sasori looked back. It was a rule Deidara had enforced at the beginning of the relationship. If Sasori couldn't look him in the eyes, then there was something wrong.

They kissed again, the kiss lasting longer than the one before, and smiled. Sasori wrapped his arms around Deidara and brushed his blonde fringe out of his eyes. Deidara kissed him again, and paused, pulling himself away and breaking the embrace.

"What's wrong?" Sasori asked, a million problems flooding his mind. Had he gone too far? Had he made Deidara freak out? He knew from past experiences that when it came to anything physical, Deidara could get stressed out over a misplaced hand. He looked into the bright blue eyes of his partner.

Deidara smiled, and fidgeted nervously. "I think…" he started, twisting a strand of Sasori's vibrant red hair between his fingers. "I think… That I'm, you know… _Ready_… un."

Sasori pushed himself up and leant on the palms of his hands. "Are you sure?" He asked, tilting his head to the side with surprise.

"Very," Deidara murmured, his eyes glinting as he let himself fall back into Sasori's arms. Deidara moved closer, and pouted his lips to kiss Sasori again.

"No." Sasori said abruptly, pushing his hands to Deidara's lips. Deidara's face flushed a darker red that it already was, and confusion clouded his eyes.

Sasori pushed him away. "Not like this Dei, not…here." He motioned at the ruined couch, the TV that barely worked and the ragged carpet. Deidara looked around, and sighed. It wasn't perfect, but that didn't matter, did it?

"Wait here," Sasori said as he eased himself up and walked to his bedroom.

Sasori smiled to himself, and heard the familiar click of his door as it closed behind him. He made his way to his bed, and knelt down to the small box underneath it. He'd been waiting for this moment, and knew how much it meant to his Dei-chan. He eased the box open quietly and quickly picked up the small candles, arranging them around the room and lighting them. He dimmed the lights, and it looked as perfect as he'd imagined it would.

He quickly went over to the cd player, hearing that the blare of music from the TV would drown out any noise he made. He pressed play, and soft music filled the room. He smiled to himself, and congratulated his mind for thinking up such a scene.

* * *

Deidara sighed loudly, so that Sasori would be able to hear him from his room, and slumped himself back onto the couch. What was Sasori doing? They were going to have their special night and he just walked away… 

The nerves and excitement inside him calmed, and with all the effort he could muster he leant over and grabbed the remote from the ground. He slid into a lying position and stretched, flicking through channels once again.

"Dei-kun…" Sasori whispered softly, padding quietly back into the room. He walked over to the TV and shut it off. Deidara watched as Sasori moved towards him and looked up at his face. In the light, his features looked softer, less sad and more peaceful. Sasori gently took Deidara in his arms and walked with him to his bedroom.

Deidara let out a small yelp of happiness as he saw the flicker of candle light, and noticed the soft music that was previously drowned out by the TV. 

"I want our special night to be _really_ special," Sasori explained, standing behind Deidara and wrapping his arms around him. Deidara closed his eyes and listened to the calm music as Sasori buried his head into the nape of his neck. Sasori smiled, and closed his eyes as he held Deidara.

He took Deidara by the hand, and smiled as he gently lay him down onto the bed.

He turned back and closed the bedroom door with a dull _click_. This was their night… Theirs alone. Nothing else mattered now, they were together.

And they would remember it, _forever._

* * *


	4. Chapter 4

Deidara moved again slightly in his sleep, and nestled himself deeper into the thick, white covers. When he was dreaming, his nose twitched slightly, Sasori noted. As Deidara's face twitched slightly again, and his nose moved, Sasori smiled. He wondered what Deidara was dreaming about.

Sasori leant back and rest on his elbows, and tilted his head slightly. The morning Sun shone through the window, and made Deidara's hair glisten like gold. With the white sheets around him, and his golden blond hair framing his face, he looked like an angel; Sasori's angel.

Sometimes, when Sasori was alone, he'd muse that Deidara was sent to him to make life seem brighter and more cheerful. Every time his life hit a new low, his blond haired lover would be there for him, to pick up the pieces and put them back together. And he did it all with a smile.

Sasori loved nothing more than watching his Dei-kun sleep. He himself hardly slept at all, his dreams were troubled and when he did finally sleep, he usually felt a lot worse for it. He smiled as Deidara turned again and lay on his belly, splaying his arms and legs out across the width of the bed, and his blond hair fell across his face.

Sasori reached out, and gently brushed Deidara's hair away from his eyes. He pulled his hand back quietly as Deidara hazily opened his eyes.

"Morning Sasori-chan," Deidara murmured, still half in the embrace of his dreams. He reached out and placed his hand in front of Sasori, and Sasori gingerly put his hand over Deidara's.

"Morning Dei-chan."

Deidara smiled, gradually gaining consciousness, and shuffled closer towards Sasori. The room they were in was cool, as Sasori could only afford to live if the heating was constantly shut off. Deidara pulled the blanket towards Sasori, realizing that in his sleep he'd rolled and pulled it away.

Deidara swept Sasori into the blanket, and for the first time, he seemed to be the one in control. Sasori relaxed in Deidara's arms, and sighed contentedly as Deidara ran his fingers through his reddened hair. Deidara smiled. He loved these moments. Moments when his Sasori-kun just let go of his troubles, and dropped his guard.

Deidara looked down at Sasori, and tightened his grip around him. He wanted to protect him sometimes too. He kissed the top of his head, and gently nuzzled his red hair with his cheek.

"I love you Sasori."

Sasori murmured a reply, and wrapped his arms around Deidara, feeling Deidara's soft, long hair brush against his hands.

Deidara leant back slightly, and realized the clock on the bedside table said "09:00," which meant that class had already started. Deidara jumped up, and moaned as he pulled on yesterday's clothes and brushed his hair up. Sasori lazily got out of bed and stretched, smiling as he watched Deidara frantically getting ready. He eased on some loose jeans, and a plain black top, and ruffled his hair in the mirror as he followed Deidara out onto the street.

They practically ran all the way up the street to school, and as they made it through the double doors into the hall a chill simultaneously ran down both their spines. Familiar faces met them, but not Itachi or Kisame. The boy whose nose was crushed by Sasori loomed over the pair, with his two friends backing him up.

Deidara and Sasori knew they couldn't win this fight, and gripped hands with each other as they made their way past the trio of overbuilt teens, hoping that they'd leave them alone. They were right to presume they wouldn't.

Instantly, the larger of the pair grappled Sasori away from Deidara, and held him back by his waist.

The "leader" of the trio grabbed Deidara, and pinned him up against the lockers in full view of Sasori, whose curses were muffled by a large hand.

Sasori bit into the boys hand as hard as he could, and the warm, metal taste of blood rushed into his mouth, but the boy simply winced, and tightened his grip, digging his elbow into Sasori's stomach.

Sasori could only watch.

Deidara winced as the large boy crushed his throat with his thumbs. He whimpered as the boys hot, sticky breath neared his face.

"This doesn't feel right to you, does it?" the boy growled, planting a hot, unwanted kiss on Deidara's lips. Deidara kicked as hard as he could into the boy's groin, but the boy didn't move. He was set on making his mark, so that Sasori would never fuck around with him again.

His clammy, sweaty hands edged their way up Deidara's shirt, and Sasori watched helplessly as his angel fell. Deidara's eyes went pale, and he stopped screaming. It would just waste energy. He'd been in this situation before, years before, and he knew that the best thing he could do would be to block out what was happening.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, resigning himself to his fate.

Horrible, unwanted feelings, his body responding but him not wanting it to; _Think about other things. It's happening to someone else. It'll be over soon. _Large, awkward hands feeling their way around, hearing Sasori's muffled cries.

"This is disgusting isn't it?" the boy growled again, smirking, "this is what you and your faggot boyfriend do, isn't it? It's no different."

Deidara lowered his eyes, and stared coldly. He wasn't going to scream for help. He wasn't going to loose every last ounce of dignity. He'd live. He'd survive, as he had before.

Sasori madly shook his head as the larger boy edged his hand towards Deidara's zipper, and Deidara made one last attempt at escape by kicking out at his attacker.

Sasori closed his eyes and wished it all away. Just as he did, he heard a loud thud.

"I am _not_ in the fucking mood for you people."

_Hero-kun…_ Deidara was slumped on the ground, and his attacker was next to him, cowering away from the tall, dark boy.

"Do you want me to repeat myself?" Itachi growled coldly, "I said I'm not in the fucking mood. Now get lost."

The trio instantly backed away, the floored bully pathetically trying to scramble to his feet.

Itachi smirked; satisfied with the effect he had on the bully, and motioned for Sasori and Deidara to follow him as he walked out of the double doors and towards the field.

* * *

It was cold today, and it looked like it was going to rain. Sasori sighed, thinking he should've worn something warmer. That morning, the sky had been beautiful, clear. Now rain clouds loomed ahead, and all Sasori wanted to do was go back to his flat, and hide himself and Deidara away from the world. 

Itachi had carried Deidara some of the way towards the bridge, Deidara still shaken from his earlier experience. Sasori wanted to help, but when he'd tried, the pain was excruciating in his stomach, and he had dropped to his knees.

Deidara flinched and shook his head. He wanted to be put down, and Itachi did so, not letting go until Deidara was steady on his feet.

Sasori gently touched Deidara's arm to reassure him that everything was going to be okay, and Deidara flinched. Sasori snatched his hand away as if he'd touched acid, and sighed. He knew Deidara would take a long time to get over this, but couldn't understand why he'd let Itachi carry him with no problem.

Itachi unzipped his rucksack as they reached the tall, thick grass, and pulled out a small bottle containing green liquid.

Deidara looked questioningly at the bottle, as did Sasori.

Itachi noticed the eyes on the liquid, and smiled weakly. "Absinthe," he said simply, and unscrewed the cap. His face tightened slightly as the liquid made its way into his mouth and down his throat. It was hot. It burned.

Deidara watched as Itachi sighed, and looked at the half empty bottle. He seemed immune to it's effects. "Are you okay, Hero-kun?" Deidara murmured.

Itachi noted the genuine concern in Deidara's voice. He thought it was strange. They'd known each other not even two full days, and already Deidara seemed to care about him and his feelings.

He smiled weakly, appreciating the tingle of emotion that he hadn't felt for so long. The people who he called "friends" were merely a group he stayed with for safety.

They weren't concerned about his feelings. They didn't notice when he felt bad, and they didn't care when they did. And yet, this small blond boy talked to him like he'd known him years, telling him about his day, asking if he was okay…

"I'm fine, Dei-kun," he said, looking to the boy. He was a mess. His blond hair was ragged, and his shirt had been ripped. He had a bruise that was slowly darkening on either side of his throat where the boy had pushed his thumbs deep into his neck. It was when he noticed that, that a flash of anger overcame him, and then, concern. "Are you?"

Deidara nodded, and brushed his hair out of his eyes. The material that had held his hair up had been lost in the struggle, and his blond, lower back length hair now fell in a mess of waves around his face. The weather was getting worse, and a wind had picked up, meaning Deidara had to fight to keep his hair out of his face.

Sasori watched the exchange between the two, and the unusual concern that Itachi had shown towards Deidara. The Itachi he'd seen was cold. Sasori had only seen one flicker of emotion from Itachi, when he started to talk about his past.

Sasori sighed. His Dei-kun flinched when he had touched his arm. All he wanted was to be able to talk to him, to hold him and let him know everything was okay. But he knew he couldn't, and he felt powerless. He couldn't shift the paranoia that was stemming in his head. Dei-kun had flinched. Sasori understood that Deidara would be jumpy after what had happened, but he'd been fine… in Itachi's arms. Sasori couldn't erase that thought from his head. Why be fine with a stranger? Why not him?

The ground was now being spotted with rain. The sky was about to open up and unleash a storm.

Deidara was glad of the cool water lightly touching his skin. He felt dirty, his head was all over the place. The night before… was perfect. Yet the boy had made it seem disgusting, wrong.

He lowered his eyes, which were now glassy with tears, to the ground. His trainers had blood on them, and as he touched his face he realized his lip had been bleeding.

It hadn't bled from the punch of the larger boy, but from his teeth. He'd been so scared, and had bitten into his lip as hard as he could trying not to scream.

As Sasori edged closer to him, guilt panged in his stomach. He didn't mean to flinch, didn't mean to back away. But as Sasori gently put his arm around Deidara's shoulder, as he did many times before, Deidara's body tensed.

Deidara sighed, and looked at Sasori. "I'm sorry," he whispered, and tried to make his body un-tense. He wasn't the only one who needed to be held, and he slowly put his arm around Sasori's waist.

Sasori smiled weakly. He knew how much it was going to take for Deidara to be okay, and he also knew how much it had took for Deidara to not freak out and push him away.

"It's okay Dei-chan. Just tell me if something doesn't feel right."

Itachi looked over his shoulder at the two. Deidara had had it rough. Itachi looked forward, and arched his shoulders back slightly to crunch his shoulder blades. When he'd lived at home, he'd been lectured daily about that being bad for him. But oh well, he thought. Old habits die hard.

"Looks like the party's started without us," Itachi proclaimed loudly, and laughed slightly.

Sasori thought it was more of a drunken cackle, and realized that while he'd been paying attention to Deidara, Itachi had drank the rest of the small bottle, and had started on another.

"You think we'd wait for you bitches to turn up and steal our gear?" Hidan groaned. He was lying on the ground, and Kakuzu was sitting cross legged next to him, with a pile of twigs in his lap.

"What's with the twigs?" Itachi asked, bemused by the scene, "he been taking something he shouldn't…again?"

Kakuzu rolled his eyes, and groaned and Hidan made a lunge for the pile of twigs. "He's been taking something alright. Been trying to sacrifice himself to the Gods. All Morning. With twigs."

Hidan at that point successfully grabbed a twig, and aimed it at his chest as Kakuzu snatched it off him and slapped him around the forehead.

"Fuck you Kakuzu…" Hidan started, but as he turned to his friend, his eyes widened and his skin went at least three shades paler than usual. "…Oh, my God… Satan?" Hidan started to back away, and smashed into Kisame, who raised his eyebrows and looked unimpressed as Hidan wailed into his lap.

"Hallucinogens?" Itachi asked, raising his eyebrow.

Sasori frowned; Itachi seemed to know more about drugs than he was letting on. He watched as Itachi walked up to Kisame and slid down the wall, into the same half lying position he was in when they had talked before.

He watched as Deidara walked forward, making the climb up to the bridge seem as easy as walking on flat ground. He stood in front of the group, and Sasori watched as his eyes widened at the skyline view. He stepped over Hidan, who was now flailing his arms into Kisame's chest as Kisame's face grew more and more annoyed.

Deidara was still quiet, and hadn't said anything since apologizing to Sasori. Sasori walked over to him, and sat on the ledge where Deidara was perched.

Deidara leant back on the palms of his hands, and let his legs fall over the edge of the ledge and dangle a few feet above the lake that splashed more viciously than Sasori's last visit here.

Sasori wrapped his arm around Deidara, who was starting to shiver as the rain blanketed him. He looked up to the sky, which was unusually dark for a morning, and sighed heavily. It was almost black, and all they had for cover was a crumbling, unstable looking old bridge, and Sasori's thin jacket between them.

Sasori took off his jacket, and wrapped it around his and Deidara's shoulders. "I wanted to show you this before," he murmured, squeezing Deidara's shoulders to reassure him that everything was okay.

"When I skipped class with Itachi, the first thing I thought of when I saw the skyline was how much you'd love it."

Deidara smiled weakly at Sasori, and leant his head on Sasori's shoulder. He was starting to relax, and regain his old confidence. He just needed time.

Itachi watched as Sasori pointed out landmarks on the skyline. The pair were getting the worst of the rain by sitting on the ledge, but they seemed happy enough.

He sighed as Sasori wrapped his coat around his and Deidara's shoulders, and remembered when he had someone to care about.

_Oh fuck it_… a voice in his head thought. _who needs love anyway_?

He smiled half heartedly at the thought, as another voice argued back that he needed it. He shrugged off the thoughts, and plastered a grin on his face. It was fun time.

He reached into his rucksack, and placed down paper, tobacco and a clear plastic bag with small grassy chunks of cannabis in it. He smiled; it was time to forget.

He rolled up the parts, leant back, and lit. He inhaled, and closed his eyes contentedly as the familiar taste hit the back of his throat.

Kisame tutted and Itachi smiled. The only person in the group to have a problem with his habit was Kisame. It wasn't as if this was the hardest drug he'd took either, but Kisame tutted all the same.

Itachi opened his eyes and rolled them. "Problem, mother?"

Kisame smirked, and tapped Itachi on the side of his face. "It's bad for you Itachi, it'll drive you mad."

Itachi smiled weakly, and tapped Kisame back, on his arm, "Correction, dear Kisame. It's what keeps me sane."

Sasori and Deidara turned slightly and watched as Itachi grinned at his friend and pushed himself up, making funny faces and noises as he did, joking that he was going mad that very second.

Kisame groaned, and Itachi grinned at him and ruffled his hair. He had a habit of doing that to try and cheer people up.

When he lived at home, before his parents found out about his involvement with gangs, and the lifestyle that went with it, he'd ruffle his little brother's hair up a lot, because as he grew up it made him giggle. He missed Sasuke… He made a mental note to go and see him as soon as he could.

"You should be drinking, Sir Misery," Itachi said, while thinking _Oh my God… Did I just call Kisame Sir Misery?!_ "Here."

Itachi reached into his rucksack again, and picked out another small bottle, with dark green liquid, "This'll make you happy. It's borderline poison."

Kisame's eyes widened. "Pfft," Itachi grunted, "Pass it around. You don't have to drink it all. We all know you can't handle your drink for shit."

Kisame raised his eyebrow at Itachi's remark, but decided to let it go. Itachi had probably been drinking on the way to the bridge, and the drugs were probably going strong in his system too.

"Fine..." Kisame said, tipping the small bottle back. As he did, Itachi clapped. He smirked slightly. This was too easy. Kakuzu was occupied with controlling Hidan, the lovebirds only had eyes for each other, and Itachi hadn't even got a clue what day it was.

Nobody noticed that the volume of the liquid didn't decrease. Nobody noticed Kisame's tongue blocking the opening of the bottle, so the alcohol didn't flow into his mouth.

He put the bottle to the side facing away from Itachi, and looked at his friend as he tipped the contents of the bottle onto the floor beside him. He checked out of the corner of his eye, but nobody would tell any difference. The floor was soaked by the rain anyway. He even faked a wince as the non-existent alcohol flowed down his throat.

Itachi's eyes widened. "Aah, you drank it all!" He applauded Kisame again. He seemed pleased with Kisame, and lay back down, stretching as he did and crunching the base of his spine.

They all stayed relatively still after that. Hidan had wondered off, and was sitting discussing the pros and cons of drug pushing with a tree, and made occasional lunges for a fresh twig from Kakuzu, who quickly stopped him by slapping his wrist.

Sasori and Deidara stayed wrapped in Sasori's coat, but had moved away from the opening of the bridge and now leant against the wall, sheltered from the rain, which was pouring faster and heavier by the minute.

"Ugh…" Kisame grumbled, rubbing his head. Itachi got up slowly, and tilted his head questioningly at his friend. "The alcohol," Kisame murmured, looking directly at Itachi, "It's really gone to my head."

"Oh, I'm sorry Kisame-kun," Itachi slurred. Everything was starting to rush to his head now. He placed his hand on Kisame's forehead, and stroked it as softly as he could.

"Itachi…" Kisame said, gently taking Itachi's hand and moving it away from his forehead, "Could you come walk with me? I need to walk this off."

Itachi nodded instantly, his head bobbing forward heavily as he did, "Will do."

As he got up, he slipped on the damp stone under his feet, and landed with a thud back on the floor.

"Fucking rocks…" He grumbled to himself as Kisame helped him up.

They started walking away from the group, Kisame leading Itachi. As they went down the rocks and towards the overgrown grass, Itachi cursed as he stumbled. Kisame held his arm and helped him down.

"You're so nice to me Kisame-kun," Itachi slurred, and grinned up at his blue haired friend.

Kisame grunted, and ignored the voice in his head that said. _what the fuck are you doing_… as he lead Itachi deeper into the long grass.

"Where're we going, Kisame-kun?" Itachi asked, looking around at the grass as if it were the most interesting thing he'd seen in his life. He trailed slightly behind Kisame, his fingers brushing the top of the grass as he walked through it, and found it odd that Kisame was still holding onto his arm.

Kisame didn't react to his question. Itachi brushed it off as the alcohol in his system; he himself couldn't think clearly either. He looked questioningly at Kisame's hand roughly gripping his arm, and frowned, stumbling after his friend.

Kisame stopped abruptly and breathed out heavily, turning to Itachi. "Itachi…" he murmured softly, lifting his hand to Itachi's face, "You're so beautiful." Confusion clouded Itachi's face as Kisame stroked his face gently with his hand, and traced his finger lightly down the scar that ran from Itachi's eye down to his lower cheek.

Slowly, Kisame moved closer, and pulled Itachi's face closer to his own. His lips parted, and were only millimetres away from Itachi's. He looked deep into Itachi's startled, crimson eyes, and noted how flawless Itachi actually was. He'd never been this close to the Uchiha boy, but had wished it many times. He wanted him, bad. His lips brushed against Itachi's.

Itachi had a look that was hard to place. Aesthetically, he was very handsome, very pretty. He had two symmetrical scars that started just under the inner corner of his eyes, and ended in a curve towards his lower cheekbone.

He was rough, raw, but still had a sense of fragility to him. The kind of guy Kisame wanted. Somebody that, of course, he could overpower easily if needed, Kisame thought with a smirk. He liked to be the one in control.

Itachi's eyes widened as he realised what Kisame was about to do. He stumbled backwards, and pushed Kisame away from him as far as he could.

"Kisame, what the fuck?!" he cried, horrified by what his friend had tried to do.

Kisame sighed heavily, and shook his head, ignoring Itachi's outburst.

"Just…let me kiss you Itachi," he murmured, his voice trailing off as he stared at Itachi again, reaching for his dark haired friend's head. "I…love you. Just relax, please…"

Itachi shook his head violently, backing away as quickly as he could from Kisame. Kisame advanced faster than Itachi could move, and as the dark haired boy lost his footing, he cursed as he landed with a thud on the muddy surface below him.

Kisame watched as the situation turned to his advantage, and leapt on Itachi, pinning him to the ground by his wrists. He straddled him, putting his full weight onto Itachi's stomach, making sure Itachi couldn't escape.

Itachi struggled, mud plastering his clothes and face. "Kisame, stop…" he gasped, shaking from the cold, and from the powerlessness he felt being pinned underneath the much larger boy. Kisame stared into Itachi's eyes, but didn't move.

"Kisame, I'm sorry, I…I don't like you in that way…Kisame, get off m-"

"Itachi" Kisame growled, and pushed Itachi's wrists further into the mud, "You should really stop struggling. You'll need all of your energy in a moment."

Itachi's eyes widened, through shock at what his friend had just said, and through the pain that was now searing through his wrists.

Itachi's breathing became erratic, uncontrolled. Adrenaline was pumping through his veins, mixed with alcohol, drugs and fear.

"Kisame…" he said quietly, trying to control the shaking in his voice. He sounded scared. He was never scared, and winced at how pathetic he must look, lying in the mud, unable to defend himself and pleading for freedom.

Kisame ignored him, and stroked Itachi's forehead. He slid his hands through Itachi's dark hair, strands slipping through his fingers like silk. He made his hand into a fist and clenched it. Itachi flinched as his hair was pulled violently.

They were lying together, in high grass, in the mud… No one could find them if they didn't want to be found…And Kisame didn't want them to be found. Kisame smirked again, and positioned himself on top of Itachi, pushing his muscular waist into the raven haired boy's smaller, more fragile one.

"We're gonna have so much fun…" Kisame growled, kissing Itachi's neck. Itachi struggled again, but it was no use. He felt sick as he smelt Kisame's hot, foul breath blanketing his face.

"Kisa-" Itachi shouted, anger consuming him as he realised his "friend" wasn't going to give up. Before he could say more, Kisame pushed his lips aggressively against his and tried to kiss him. Itachi choked, Kisame's kiss wasn't gentle… It was like a shark wanting to take a bite out of someone.

Itachi winced, feeling warm, metallic tasting liquid seeping from his tongue. He was going to black out. He couldn't. He felt Kisame's tongue enter his mouth, and tried to yell, his voice coming out as a distorted muffle due to the larger boy crushing his chest with his weight.

He was scared. He had never been this scared in his life. His best friend, the one person in the world that he had, wanted something from him that he couldn't give. His heart was meant for another.

If it had been somebody else doing this, he could have easily broken away, but confusion, mixed with the drugs that were snaking their way through his system, meant he couldn't do anything. His mind was rushing; he needed to think of a way to escape, but how? Kisame had completely overpowered him.

As Kisame's tongue rolled around Itachi's mouth, Itachi growled. _Fuck this…_he thought, biting down as hard as he could on Kisame's tongue. Kisame yelped, and jumped up, blood pouring from his mouth and down his chin.

Itachi saw his chance to get away, and tried to push himself up so that he could run. He eased up quickly, and his wrists crunched. "Shit!" Itachi winced; falling back down as his arms completely gave way.

Kisame watched as the Uchiha boy tried to push himself up again, his eyes watering as the pain in his wrists heightened.

Itachi felt a shooting pain through his cheekbone. Kisame had hit him with his fist, _hard_. Blood flooded back into his mouth, and he spluttered as he swallowed some of the liquid.

Kisame couldn't let him go.

"Fuck you Kisame! I… I thought you were my friend!" Itachi wheezed, blood trickling from the corner of his mouth.

Kisame lunged at Itachi, and was overpowering him again in seconds. They splashed in the mud, Itachi screamed at the top of his lungs and Kisame struggling to hold onto the wild boy, who was thrashing at him, biting, kicking, and doing everything within his power to get away. Adrenaline was shooting through Itachi's body, and his heart thudded in his throat.

With all the power he could muster, Itachi kneed Kisame in the groin and pushed him away, instantly launching his way out of the blue haired teen's grip.

"Itachi, wait!" Kisame yelled breathlessly, watching as Itachi crawled away desperately through the mud and struggled up, almost slipping again.

"FUCK YOU!" Itachi screamed as he started to run away through the grass.

Itachi's heart pounded so hard that it hurt his chest. His face was a mess of blood, mud and sweat, and he knew he was going to black out soon.

He knew Kisame wouldn't follow him; not that that was any comfort. Kisame knew Itachi was the faster one – it had always been this way. Kisame had the muscles, Itachi the speed. Itachi sped through the grass until he couldn't see Kisame. He couldn't see the bridge either, and his head span with a mixture of emotions.

He didn't know where he was, and he didn't care. He just needed to get away.

Rain splashed down heavier than before, and Itachi looked up to the darkened sky. Tears escaped from the corners of his eyes, and streaked down his face. His hair was matted, caked with blood and dirt. His wrists were bruised and the ends of his fingers were numb from the bitter cold.

He rolled down his shirt sleeves so that his wrists were covered. Fuck was he going to look weak. He wiped the tears away from his face with his shirt sleeve, and grimaced.

The drugs had amplified his emotions, and he felt as though he was either going to break out into tears, or explode with anger. He wanted to choose anger. He ran his hands through his matted hair as the rain splashed down onto his bruised, bloody face, cooling him as blood mixed with unwanted tears.

* * *

Kisame crawled up and stared at the path that Itachi had created as he had disappeared through the grass. He closed his eyes and let out a heavy sigh as he heard the soft rumble of thunder and the rain pelted down, almost attacking him. He could never get Itachi now; his dark haired love had made it clear he didn't want him. 

He sniffed and wiped the mud away from his face, letting the rain wash away the reminders of the struggle. His yellow eyes narrowed menacingly, and he clenched his fists. He didn't like to loose, and he never did.

"I want you Itachi," he growled, "So I'll fucking have you."

Kisame smirked as played out his plans in his head. He would make Itachi want him too. This was far from over. All he had to do was regain his trust, strike again… and make sure he didn't escape next time. All Itachi could do then is give in, he wouldn't have a choice.

Kisame straightened his clothing out, and brushed the last bits of mud out of his hair with his fingers. He waited as the heavy rain washed away the blood that masked his chin.

He decided he would return back to the group, and act like Itachi was being stupid and running away because of the drugs he'd loaded into his system.

* * *

"Why does this have to happen to me…?" Itachi whispered softly to himself as he trudged through the grass. He had choked back tears that had threatened appearance, and besides feeling nauseous from the punch to the side of his face, he was starting to calm down. 

He was good at pretending everything was fine, even when drugs consumed him. Uchiha Itachi never showed his pain, his tears, because he wasn't weak. Emotion was for the weak.

He paused, and sat in the mud. His clothes were covered in dirt anyway, so he might as well be comfortable while he figured out what the fuck he was going to do. He pulled his knees up to his chin, and shuddered. What if he hadn't got away…? Would Kisame… Itachi shook his head, and buried his head in his hands. "Emotions are for the weak," he murmured, rocking slightly in the cold, "I'm not fucking weak!" He screamed the last part of his sentence, and gripped his head tightly, as if he were trying to claw the memories of the incident out of his mind.

Kisame would still be wondering round somewhere in the thick, muddy grass… Itachi didn't want to chance another encounter with him. He couldn't go into school; they would smell the alcohol on his breath and the marijuana in his clothes.

He gingerly touched his cheek. "Fuck," he winced, examining his hand, which now had spots of blood trickling down it.

He wiped his hand down his dark trousers, the blood blending in with the mud and rain that saturated his clothes.

Maybe… it was best if he went back to the group. Acted normal; told them he'd slipped in the mud and bruised his face on a rock or… something. _God, that sounded lame_, he sighed.

He couldn't think of any other explanation, and besides, it was hardly unbelievable that he'd lost his footing with everything he'd pumped into his body throughout the morning.

He'd have to go back, he decided. It would seem weird if he just disappeared, and people would ask questions. He didn't want them to know what had happened. He didn't want anybody to know what had happened, he was ashamed.

He needed to look strong; capable of protecting himself. If he couldn't protect himself, then how the hell could he protect others?

There was one thing that was certain. If he didn't go back, he'd look weak. He couldn't stand for that. Uchiha Itachi was not weak.

* * *


	5. Chapter 5

Kisame smiled to Kakuzu as he told his fake explanation, "…so yeah, then he ran off. I really don't understand that guy sometimes." Kakuzu laughed at the thought of the cool headed Itachi freaking out over nothing and running away. Kisame had joined his laughter.

"Still trying to stop Hidan killing himself?" he asked casually, motioning at the pile of twigs on Kakuzu's lap, which had increased in volume since he'd last seen it.

"Yeah, I swear it gets worse every time," Kakuzu grumbled, "If that fucker takes drugs again, I swear to God I'll kill him myself!"

"So I take it you guys have been having a good time then?" Kisame asked, sarcasm dripping from his words. He was rewarded with a death-glare from Kakuzu.

"Shut it shark boy."

Kisame heard a light grumbling sound, and looked over to the source. He saw that Deidara had fallen asleep against Sasori, and was snoring lightly.

Sasori turned to watch Kisame and Kakuzu, and Kisame frowned. "Something up, brat?" Kisame snarled, raising his eyebrows.

The red haired boy ignored Kisame, and shrugged slightly as he turned to watch the skyline again. He felt happy with Deidara against him, and he didn't care about what Kisame had to say.

Itachi stumbled up the rocky slope towards the bridge, and gripped the side of the wall for support. He wiped his face on his sleeve, leaving a muddy print on his shirt. He was covered in dirt, and was soaked. His hair hung loosely and was dripping from the downpour. He tried to smile, but winced in pain as he did and clutched his cheek with his hand. As he noticed Kisame, who was now leaning against the wall smirking at him, his face went pale.

"What the fuck happened to you Itachi?" Kakuzu asked, staring at the bloody Uchiha boy.

Itachi grabbed a cigarette from his pocket and sighed when he realized it was too soggy to smoke. He tossed it to the ground dismissively, and looked at Kakuzu, "I… slipped, fell in the field. My umm… Face landed on a… rock." He grimaced, and motioned to his face. _I sound like a fucking idiot…_

He walked over to his usual spot, and slid down the wall into his casual position again, "I was too screwed to walk I guess."

Kakuzu smirked, and threw Itachi a dry cigarette. He found it amusing that Itachi had lost control of himself like that. "So that's what Kisame meant when he said you were being stupid. He said you acted like an idiot and ran away."

Itachi cursed as his lighter refused to work, and Kakuzu leaned over and lit his cigarette for him. When it hit him what Kakuzu had said, he glared at Kisame. He turned away from him almost instantly, as Kisame started to smirk at him.

"So _that's _how you got that bruise on your cheek," Kisame mused, feigning clueless ness, "Y'know, that's going to swell up. Must've been some rock…"

"Must've been," Itachi mumbled. He felt sick being near Kisame, he didn't want to talk to him. Kisame had hurt him, physically and emotionally, and he didn't understand why.

A sudden moan caught his attention, and he turned to see Deidara stretching and yawning, waking up from a deep sleep. Itachi looked at him, and tilted his head. _Way to be fucking subtle, idiot, _he thought as he noticed how sweet Deidara looked and a pink tint spread across his face.

The sick feeling in his stomach made way for the butterflies that hadn't surfaced for so long… He looked at Deidara's long blond hair and blue shining eyes.

Guilt panged in his stomach as he realized Sasori was probably watching him stare at Deidara.

Sasori trusted him enough to tell him about his and Deidara's past, so he tried to pull his eyes away from the golden haired boy, blushing more furiously. He needed to stop taking drugs around people he liked; it did nothing for his credibility.

Deidara smiled sweetly when he noticed Itachi was watching him, and lightened up the whole atmosphere of the group. He seemed to have a unique way of making things seem a lot better than they were; Sasori had been right about that one.

Sasori watched from the corner of his eye at how Itachi stared at Deidara, admiring him. He knew what that look meant, but he didn't worry. He wasn't jealous – Deidara was his…right? Nothing to worry about at all.

He squeezed Deidara's shoulders, and Deidara smiled at him. Sasori looked into Deidara's eyes, and only one thought crossed his mind:

_If anything were to happen to me… Deidara would have somebody to fall back on…_

He looked over to the dark haired boy, who was now blushing and looking down at his shoes, trying not to stare at Deidara.

_His Hero-kun_.

* * *

Their morning was cut short as Itachi complained about feeling sick and went back. Sasori and Deidara followed him shortly after, leaving Kisame and Kakuzu to prevent Hidan from killing himself for the rest of the day. 

Sasori regretted going back to class almost instantly, spending the first few minutes being taunted by the boys who sat behind him. Itachi, who had been transferred to his class after taunting his previous teacher with his smoking habits, had quickly put an end to this by emptying the contents of the tallest boy's bag into the bin, whilst explaining that he could have him killed if he wished.

Deidara sat and made more sculptures, but wanted to see his Sasori-kun, and found his mind wandering to when he would next see his red haired lover.

Itachi leant back in his chair, and stretched his back, crunching it loudly and making the girl next to him wince.

"You shouldn't do that-" she started, but Itachi quickly stopped her lecture by putting his black polished finger to her lips. She blushed, and spent the rest of the lesson dreaming about what their children would look like.

Itachi rolled his eyes at how simple people were to control.

He had gone home and changed out of his muddy clothes, barely making it back into school by the end of lunch, and wore a beanie over the worst of his mud caked hair, scraping the rest back so only the ends showed out of the hat. The one person who commented on his bruise was threatened with a similar wound, and backed off. Nobody else bugged him after that.

He leant on the palm of his hand, and stared at the ceiling. He had met with Sasori just before the bell had sounded for lessons, and Sasori seemed extremely interested in how he was. Itachi brushed it off as curiosity, but had a sinking feeling in his stomach that Sasori had seen him staring at Deidara earlier that day.

He thought of the events before that, and sighed heavily, forcing tears to stay put. Kisame had freaked him out today. He'd spent a while just sitting in his bathroom, trying to wash out the taste of Kisame's saliva. He'd scrubbed until his gums bled, and then rubbed strong anti-septic onto the open wound on his cheek.

Itachi was still trying to understand why his best friend would want to break their friendship that way… He shuddered when he remembered how Kisame had overpowered him so easily, and how he'd smirked when Itachi begged him to stop…

Itachi sighed again, and closed his eyes. Maybe it was best if he just went home. Besides, the full effects of the alcohol hadn't completely worn off yet, and he was starting to feel nauseous again.

He didn't bother raising his hand up, and simply pushed himself away from the desk, his chair scraping loudly on the floor and interrupting the teacher.

"What are yo-"

"I'm not feeling well, I'm going home," Itachi said, not giving the teacher a chance to complain. He grabbed his things and stuffed them into his rucksack, rolling his eyes as the teacher started to rant at him. He wasn't in the mood to play teacher's pet, and started towards the door.

Sasori reached out, and gripped his friend's wrist lightly to get his attention as he walked past his desk. Itachi winced, his wrists were worse than his facial wound, and he'd covered them with a baggy shirt so people wouldn't notice the swelling around them.

He turned to Sasori and looked into his deep brown eyes. "Don't worry kid," he said quietly, and carried on towards the door. Sasori wondered what was wrong, he hadn't seen Itachi act this distant before, even after Kakuzu had mentioned his past.

"Next time, put up your," the teacher started as Itachi brushed past him and closed the door loudly behind him, "…hand."

The man sighed, and turned back to the black board, quickly resuming his lecture.

Sasori straightened himself up in his chair, and gazed back to the board, watching as the teacher etched writing onto it. He couldn't concentrate at all… Something felt wrong after Itachi left. The boys behind him started jeering again, and he knew instantly that his safety net was gone.

* * *

Deidara shifted uncomfortably, and fidgeted with his hair as he stood against the lockers in the hallway. He'd been called out of Art class, all because his mother had stuck her nose where it wasn't wanted. 

"…I'm sorry that it has to be like this on your second day, but your mother insisted you go home," the Principal continued. He looked at Deidara as if he had some sort of disease. "Come back tomorrow and let me know if you want to talk about it."

Deidara scowled, and looked the Principal in the eyes, and said defiantly, "I don't want to go home, un."

The Principal sighed. "I'm afraid your mother insisted. She said there was a very serious problem that you two need to discuss."

Deidara narrowed his eyes and huffed as he walked away.

He knew what the serious problem was. Sasori. His mother had obviously gone through his journal, and read all about his and Sasori's relationship. He closed his eyes and blushed furiously. He'd written about the night before, and how perfect everything was.

Deidara cursed himself for being stupid enough to leave his journal lying around when he'd gone back earlier in the day to pick up his art supplies for the afternoon lessons. He'd left it under his bed; not exactly an original hiding place.

So now, he was walking home to "talk" with his ridiculously homophobic mother. He sighed, knowing that she would probably rant, or try to convince him that leaving Sasori was for the best. He knew she wouldn't be able to accept him for who he was…

Deidara walked through the hallway of the school and towards the double doors. His footsteps echoed through the large building, and he felt like a ghost; everyone was in class so the hallways were empty. He was grateful of that, as he didn't need the questions at the moment.

Deidara decided that he would call Sasori when he was home and apologize for leaving without letting him know.

Deidara reached for the handle to the door, and paused as he heard someone running towards him. He assumed it was just another faceless student, who would notice him standing behind the door, so he shrugged off the hurried footsteps and pushed the doors open.

When he reached for the exit doors he heard someone running towards him. Assuming it was a random person who would notice he was standing there, he ignored it… Pushing the doors open.

_BANG  
_

Deidara winced as his lip split open and he fell forward, landing on the steps outside of the building. He tasted blood in his mouth and moaned, wanting to curse the person who did it, but managing to keep his anger under control.

"Oh, shit! Deidara, I'm so sorry, I wasn't watching where I was going; I saw the Principal and I wondered what he was doing there, I assumed no one was standing in front of the door, the hallway…That was empty too…" Itachi trailed off, noticing he was babbling like an idiot. He grabbed Deidara's upper arms and pulled him up.

Deidara's books were scattered over the steps, as was his newest clay creation. _Great, _Deidara thought, this day couldn't get any worse.

"Doesn't matter… un," Deidara mumbled as he gathered his books together. He avoided eye contact with Itachi purposely, as he had noticed a tension growing between them. Deidara sighed again as he put his books back into his bag, and touched his finger to his lip to see how bad the damage was.

"Here, let me look at that," Itachi murmured, kneeling and cupping Deidara's chin gently. He tilted his head to look at Deidara's lip, which had grazed when he fell. The dark haired boy smiled awkwardly, his eye twitching slightly as the skin around his facial wound moved, sending a bolt of pain across his face.

"Don't we look like we've been in the wars huh?" He said quietly. He held Deidara's face close for a few moments longer than he should have, then dropped his hand and cleared his throat uncomfortably, blushing as he did.

They both looked to their feet at the same time, thinking the same thing… _A perfect moment to kiss…_

Their faces reddened, and Deidara broke the silence by getting up and brushing off the dust from the steps that had stuck to his trousers.

He was angry with himself. _How could I ever think of cheating on my Sasori-kun? _He questioned his mind, and shook his head slightly. He liked Itachi, a lot. He found him beautiful, but he didn't allow himself to think that way; he couldn't allow himself to think that way. Sasori had always been the one for him, and even thinking of pulling Itachi towards him for a kiss made his stomach twist with guilt.

Itachi watched as Deidara gathered the rest of his things up, and his heart sank when he saw the smashed clay figure on the ground. "I'm so sorry Dei-kun," he murmured.

Deidara was caught off guard by Itachi calling him by his nickname that was usually only mentioned by Sasori. "It…it doesn't matter," Deidara spluttered, repeating himself. "Just throw it away, un."

Deidara was struggling with the zip to his bag, and Itachi took this opportunity to pick up the shattered clay pieces. He slipped them into his pocket and smiled warmly, offering his hand to Deidara to help him up from the floor. One day, he thought, he would surprise Deidara by gluing the figure back together and giving it some colour.

"You look sad, Dei-kun," Itachi said quietly, noticing at the same time that Deidara was avoiding eye contact with him.

Deidara sighed again heavily, "My mother…" he murmured as he began to walk to the gate entrance. "She found out about Sasori and me. She's not exactly…open to things like this."

"Oh," Itachi stammered. He didn't know how to reply, and it surprised him that Deidara had confided in him so easily. He assumed it would be horrible to not be accepted just because of who you fell in love with. He knew what it was like to suffer due to falling in love with someone deemed by others as unacceptable.

"That…is pretty sad," Itachi sighed, and placed an arm on Deidara's shoulder to comfort him, "hey, how about you let me walk you home. I don't want you to walk alone when you're feeling so down."

Itachi waited for Deidara to turn to him, and he did. He looked into his crimson contacted eyes, and his cheeks rapidly turned pink.

"Thank you… Hero-kun…"

* * *

"Oh, okay, yeah. You're okay though…? Okay. I'll talk to you soon. Love you Dei-kun, bye." Sasori hung up his mobile phone, and pushed the double doors to open grounds. Deidara had called to tell him that he was home already, and had some problems with his mother. 

Sasori understood. Of course, their relationship had to come out someday, and they'd get through this.

He sighed, and began the long walk home, which seemed even longer while doing it alone; Dei-kun always talked a lot about his day, making the walk seem miles shorter.

Sasori smiled fondly, and remembered all the times he and Deidara had walked this route. He missed Deidara's sweet grin, and his cheery presence. Maybe he should stop by later in the afternoon, he could use a few hours with his Dei-kun.

Sasori walked faster than usual. He was a fast walker, but normally Deidara would tell him to slow down so they could have an extra few minutes together before they went home.

He paused at one of the small shop windows. It had little ornaments displayed, and small twinkling fairy lights around the edge of the glass.

He pressed his hand lightly against the thin glass, and traced his fingers around the edge of one of the smaller ornaments. He smiled as he thought that Deidara could make them so much better.

A chill ran down his spine, cutting his thoughts short as familiar voices echoed through the street towards him. It was the three guys from his class, and he span his head round to pinpoint where they were.

The boys were standing in front of the window display one shop ahead. Their large figures cast looming, hulking shadows that almost touched his feet.

Sasori took a deep breath and edged backwards. He slipped into the narrow alleyway beside the shop and pushed himself against the wall, trying desperately to make himself less visible.

_Don't let them see me…please…_ he pleaded, not knowing quite who he was pleading to.

He clung to the hope that the bullies hadn't noticed him, and that they would walk away.

His breathing quickened, and he winced. He tried to control it, but he couldn't; he was almost panting. Terrified, he ran his plan through his head. Wait for the voices to disappear. If they don't, run to the opposite end of the alleyway, and…

Sasori's eyes widened as he looked to the darkened, damp, opposite end of the alleyway. It was blocked off with a solid, tall, concrete wall. The wall was smooth, and unlike the surrounding, older walls, there was no way he could climb it. He was trapped.

_Please… _Sasori begged, _please don't let them find me…_ He knew that without Itachi around, he was an easy target. The voices got louder, and Sasori began to feel light headed, his knees giving way as he realized the large, bulky frames of the three boys now blocked the only way in, and_ out,_ of the alleyway.


	6. Chapter 6

_They stopped… Oh, God… They've stopped…_

"Look who's here…" the tallest boy jeered cruelly, laughing as he did. He had a glint in his eye that made Sasori's heart sink. "It's the first year's fag."

"Please, just leave me alone…" Sasori stammered, stepping backwards, further into the alley, "I don't want this; what did I ever do to you?"

The tallest boy laughed loudly again, and smirked. "You bought this on yourself, you fucking idiot. Walking proudly in the hallways with Blondie, provoking people, making people feel sick."

"It's fucking disgusting," the boy beside the tallest spat, "You're just asking to be beaten…"

The boy's voice trailed off as he looked at his accomplices, and the third boy added, "…or worse."

The tallest one smiled, and feigned softness in his voice, "We're just here to teach you a lesson, that's all. You'll thank us for it."

He pushed past Sasori, knocking him sideways. Sasori pushed himself up again, and shuddered as he heard the scrape of something heavy on the floor near the garbage. He turned to the boy, his eyes pleading mercy.

The boy smirked, he was holding a large piece of wood, with the blunts of rusting nails sticking out from the ends of it. He held it as though it were a baseball bat, and a sadistic grin spread across his face, "get ready to learn, brat."

He swung the bat around his back, and smashed it into Sasori's spine. Sasori gasped as the blunts cut into his back and a searing hot pain enveloped him. The hit had taken his breath, so he couldn't scream. He just let out a small whimper.

Sasori straightened himself out as quickly as he could, flinching as he felt the marks in his back ooze blood. He fell backwards into the wall, and as he did the boy swung the makeshift bat into Sasori's stomach.

It hit with a dull thud, and Sasori grunted in pain and fell to his knees. The larger boy had put all of his power into the swing, and the pain was unbearable. Sasori clutched his stomach to try to stop the blood that was pumping towards the wounds.

"Hold him," the tall boy grunted, and immediately his accomplices pinned Sasori to the wall by his upper arms.

_Just let me black out… Let me be saved… Someone…_Sasori gasped again as the "bat" swung deep into his stomach, and blood burst out from his mouth.

He thought he could feel pain, but his stomach and chest was such a mess of puncture wounds and painful bruises that he wasn't sure anymore. His body was numbing, and the only thing that was fully aware was his mind. He was completely aware of the dull thud every time the bat hit his body.

It felt like forever, but eventually the two boys let go of his arms. He slumped to the ground, and lay still.

He didn't have the will to move, and as he landed on the cold, damp concrete his ribs crunched, making him wheeze erratically. Blood started to pool underneath him from the numerous puncture wounds, and tears of pain rolled out of his eyes.

"Ugh, look at you," the tallest boy grunted, throwing the piece of wood to the floor. It landed centimetres away from Sasori's face, and Sasori flinched. He saw how the wood, and the nail ends were caked in his blood. He felt sick.

"Crying, just like the faggot you are," the boy said simply, and kicked Sasori in the stomach. Sasori curled into a ball, and shuddered with pain. The boy knelt down next to Sasori, and pulled his head up violently by his hair, which was now matted with dirt and blood. The boy edged towards Sasori's face, and smirked.

"We've got another little surprise for ya, my little friend…" he said cruelly, and Sasori closed his eyes. He could tell what the boy was going to say just by his tone of voice.

"If you satisfy me, we'll leave you alone," the boy said, sneered at Sasori, "I mean hey, you do it all the time. Shouldn't be a problem for someone like you, right?"

"Go fuck yourself," Sasori wheezed weakly. He spat the blood that had seeped into his mouth into the face of the boy.

The boy smirked, and wiped the blood off his face with his hand. He stroked his hand down Sasori's face slowly, and murmured quietly, "Oh, I don't think so…"

"Guys, do what I said," the boy said, standing up as the boys slammed Sasori against the wall, pushing his face hard into the rough, jagged bricks.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" Sasori screamed, adrenaline pumping through his veins and giving him a new lease of energy to kick out at his attackers, smashing his foot into the second boy's shin. "Let me go! Look, I get it, okay?! Just let me go!"

The boy snarled and punched Sasori in the stomach, knocking his breath out of his body. Sasori winced, his energy draining…He was going to black out…He felt so weak…

"Let you go?" The tallest boy smirked, and edged closer to Sasori. Sasori turned his head away from the boy, and the boy murmured slowly into his ear, "We can't let you go. You haven't learnt your lesson yet…"

He laughed, and continued, "What I'm going to do to you, is going to feel so wrong, you'll never look at another man again. If you do…well, we'll have to get your little blond friend next time; maybe he'll get the message."

The tall boy stretched, and then crunched his knuckles. He placed his hand on Sasori's chest, and pressed against the newly forming bruises, smirking as Sasori winced. He ran his hands down Sasori's body, Sasori struggling underneath his sweaty, rough hands.

"Don't fucking touch me!" Sasori hissed as the boy pulled on his ripped up shirt, creating a gaping tear and revealing Sasori's bloody body. His energy was gone, as was his will to fight. He screamed empty threats at the three boys, but he knew it was pointless. He couldn't get away.

"What? This _is_ what you stand for…right?" the tall boy murmured into Sasori's ear. His hands were now tracing further down Sasori's body, and Sasori grunted as he tried again to break away from the grasps of the two boys, and away from the third's wandering hands.

"No Itachi to save you this time, huh?"

Sasori looked defiantly at the boy, and spat in his face again.

"Fine, have it your way…" The boy sighed dramatically, and walked closer to Sasori, pressing his body against the smaller, beaten boy. Sasori closed his eyes and bit down on his lip. He wasn't going to beg for mercy, he refused. They'd won. He didn't want this, but he was too weak to fight them off.

As he closed his eyes, he tried to block out the boy's hand snaking it's way down his body. He shuddered, the boy's hands were cold, and rough. Painful. Hot tears rolled down his face..._God…why did I have to fucking cry? _He wanted his dignity, but even that was being stolen from him… He was humiliated.

The boy smirked, and pulled his hands up. He punched Sasori in the face. "Stop fucking crying, faggot," he said simply, and started to fumble with Sasori's belt. Sasori gulped, and bit down hard on his lip again as his trousers slipped down from his hips and onto the floor.

The boy raised his eyebrow, "Ah, I was half expecting to see hearts on your underwear." He laughed coldly and ran his finger down Sasori's body again. He slid his hands around the edge of Sasori's boxers, and clasped his hips, digging his nails into his sides.

Sasori sobbed loudly, the tears burning the wounds on his face. "Just…let me go…" he choked, half resigning himself to his fate, "What…what the fuck is wrong with you?"

Sasori looked deep into the dark eyes of his attacker, tears still rolling down his cheeks.

"I don't want this," he rasped, his body slackening.

The boy grunted, and paused. A smirk spread across his face, and his pulled the edges of Sasori's boxers down.

"What's going on in here? I heard shouting…" a large man appeared at the entrance to the alleyway, and saw what was happening.

Sasori felt the boys let go of him, and he slid down the wall onto the floor. He was crying, he way still crying, he couldn't stop.

The tallest boy leant over to him before running away, and whispered cruelly in his ear, "Like I'd fuck you anyway, faggot… We'll get Blondie next time and it's all your fault…"

Sasori shuddered, and brought his knees up to his chin as he heard the footsteps of the boys echo down the alleyway and fade into the evening, with the man grunting as they pushed past him.

"Are you alright?" the man said softly, crouching down next to Sasori. His eyes widened as he saw that Sasori's body was caked in blood, and that the teen was in his boxers. "Should I call the police?"

Sasori leant back and pushed his legs out onto the cold pavement, shaking his head. Tears still rolled down his face. He stood up shakily, and pulled his trousers back up, fumbling to close his belt.

"Thanks for the help, but I've got to go," Sasori said quietly. He knew what he needed to do; it was so clear now.

Sasori stumbled back to his apartment as fast as he could. He pushed the door open and slammed it shut behind him. He walked to the bathroom, and locked himself in.

Sasori climbed into the shower, and turned the water on as hot as it would go.

He pushed himself into the corner of the shower, still in his clothes, and pulled his knees up to his chin, closing his eyes. He let the hot water singe his wounds, and felt as his tears mixed with the scalding water and trickled down his face. He was hurt, his whole body hurt…his mind was completely fucked, and he felt so _dirty_…

He hugged himself tightly, and sobbed heavily into his knees. He knew what he had to do to end his misery…_And Deidara's…_

* * *

A loud knocking at his front door smashed through his peace. He flinched slightly, then realised he'd been sitting there so long that the hot water had run out, and ice cold water pelted down onto his shivering body. 

As he shakily pulled himself up, he noticed the base of the tub had been stained a light red colour, where the blood from his wounds had mixed with the water.

He felt cleaner, but as he looked into the bathroom mirror, which was slightly clouded, he noted that his normally alert, shining brown eyes looked dull. He sighed, and brushed his soaked hair away from his face.

His face… He had a bruise under his right brow, which was quickly blackening, puncture wounds on the left side of his cheek that were still seeping droplets of blood, his lip was split in three places, and was swelling up, and his usually peach toned complexion was pale with the excruciating pain that rippled through his head.

He didn't bother to check his other wounds, but by the shooting pain that ripped up his chest and sides when he breathed, he knew they were bad.

He stumbled to his room, and pulled off his clothes as quickly as he could, wincing as they caught on cuts and bruises. He threw on a loose jumper, which thankfully didn't cling to his battered frame, and some pale, loose jeans.

He looked around his room for a moment, which was still littered with burnt out candles, and he remembered that night with a weak smile that made the left side of his face burn with a searing pain.

"Sasori-kun, let me in," a familiar voice wailed, cutting off his thoughts; Deidara. Sasori walked towards the front door, and opened it, to see that the smaller, blond boy's face was streaked with tears. He was still sobbing, and fell into Sasori's chest, wrapping his arms around him.

"Sasori-kun," he whimpered, crying and burying his head into Sasori's loose, dampening jumper. "I…I don't know…" Deidara tried to explain the reason he was crying, but his voice was weak, cut off by his erratic breathing and jumpy sobs.

Sasori held Deidara, and rested his chin on top of the blonde's. "It's okay Deidara…" he murmured, trying to comfort his distressed lover, "Everything's gonna be fine…"

He winced as Deidara pushed his head onto his chest, nuzzling it, but at the same time he was glad that Deidara hadn't noticed his wounds straight away. If he had, he would've bottled up his feelings and felt worse.

As he thought that, Deidara looked up, tears still spilling freely from his eyes. His face went pale, as a mix of horror and confusion spread across it.

"Sasori…" He whispered. Though the tears still fell, the sobbing had stopped. He was fixated on Sasori's ruined face, and hated that he hadn't noticed before. He clasped Sasori's hands gently, and lead him to the couch.

"Wait." He instructed softly, as he made his way to the bathroom, picking up a dish from the small kitchen as he did.

Deidara stepped into the bathroom and sighed. The tub was stained a dull red colour, which broke his heart. He twisted the taps on, and ran the water full blast; diluting the red and slowly watching it fade away.

When the last of the blood had been washed away and the water ran clear, Deidara twisted the taps back, stopping the flow of water.

He edged his way to the sink quietly, and ran the warm water into the small bowl. He picked up a cloth and took some antiseptic solution from the cabinet, and made his way back to Sasori.

As Deidara knelt in front of Sasori, he noted that Sasori winced as he breathed, and that his loose jumper was now sticking in places, and had dull red patches coming through it.

"Sasori, take your jumper off, un." He murmured. As Sasori did, he held in a gasp. The boy's fragile body was completely battered. Puncture wounds littered his body, and ugly, dark bruises served as a background to the blood.

Deidara sighed. "You should've told me straight away, un," he murmured, placing the dish onto the floor beside him, dipping the cloth first into the water, and then into the bottle of antiseptic. He looked into Sasori's dull, brown eyes and smiled weakly, "Let's sort you out…you can tell me what happened later, un."

Sasori nodded weakly, and placed a hand gently on the back of Deidara's head, running his fingers through his golden hair, as he murmured, "Thank you, Dei-kun."

As Deidara pressed the cloth to the first of Sasori's many puncture wounds, Sasori tensed up. The antiseptic seeped into the open wounds, and stung like hell. He gripped the edge of the sofa, and squeezed it tightly to stop himself screaming out.

Seeing Sasori wince, Deidara paused, and murmured "Sorry Sasori-kun, but I don't want you to get ill…I know it stings…un."

He sighed slightly, and cupped the un-punctured side of Sasori's face gently, being careful not to catch the bruises that were now forming underneath the red haired boys features. He noticed then that Sasori was soaking, as his hair dripped ice cold water onto his hand.

"When I'm done, we'll dry you off, un" Deidara said quietly, and dipped the cloth back into the water, then the antiseptic.

Sasori sat relatively still, occasionally flinching when the antiseptic reached an especially deep wound. Deidara watched as his dull brown eyes flashed for a moment with pain, then dulled again.

His mind was racing. How did this happen? Who did this, and…why? He sighed again, and held back tears. He knew why, at the back of his mind the answer was being screamed to him. _It's because he's with me…_

Deidara carried on pressing antiseptic into Sasori's wounds for another hour or so. When he was done, Sasori was shaking slightly; he wasn't sure whether it was from the cold, or the pain. He looked deep into Sasori's eyes as he got up, and kissed him gently on his forehead.

He walked over to the kitchen, his blond hair flowing freely behind him, and placed down his makeshift medical kit. He grabbed two towels from the bathroom, and walked back to Sasori.

Gently, he wrapped the larger towel around Sasori's bruised shoulders, and then started to rub his still damp hair with the smaller towel, all the time murmuring to his red haired lover that he'd be fine, that everything was okay now, just as he had done all those years ago when Sasori's parents had died.

As Sasori explained what had happened, chills ran down Deidara's spine. His Sasori-kun, the one person he loved, had been violated…The people who did it had the nerve to insinuate that he was a whore, that he did that kind of thing all the time, just because he was with him…

He cursed himself for not being there. He knew that if he'd been there, they would've picked on him, knowing he was weaker than Sasori. He cursed himself for not being strong enough to go after them, to make them suffer for what they did.

He hated them for what they had done to Sasori, and he hated that Sasori would remember it for the rest of his life; that their moments of intimacy would be tainted by what he'd gone through.

Deidara sighed again, his stomach twisting at every detail. He wanted to cry… he wanted to sweep Sasori up into his arms and protect him forever, but he couldn't. He was a sixteen year old boy, small for his age, and certainly no fighter. All he could do was hope Sasori was strong enough to get through this.

Sasori stopped explaining, and patted the space next to him. Deidara climbed up to the empty space, and smiled weakly as Sasori wrapped his arms around him, pulling him close to his body, ignoring the pain that came with the embrace.

Deidara twisted round so he could see Sasori's face, much as it saddened him to see it in such a state. He gently edged up to Sasori, so that he was lying between his legs, resting his head lightly on his chest. Sasori rested his hands on Deidara's lower back, and gently edged them up, clasping the back of his head.

He smiled weakly as Deidara's long blond hair tumbled through his fingers, and leant forward. Their lips brushed, and Sasori winced slightly as his split lip came into contact with Deidara's mouth. He ignored the pain; he needed to feel close to his Dei-kun tonight.

He stared at the beautiful, golden hair angel, lying on him lightly, trying not to hurt him with his contact, and he smiled weakly again, pressing his lips against his.

Deidara closed his eyes, loosing himself in the kiss. Sasori widened his eyes, and studied Deidara's features thoroughly. He wanted his image imprinted on his mind forever, he needed it…

He felt relaxed in Deidara's company, almost forgetting what had happened earlier. _Almost…_ His hands ran through Deidara's hair once more, then trailed down his back. He slid his hands up Deidara's shirt, and felt his soft skin brush against his fingers.

Sasori kissed Deidara again, more passionately, and felt Deidara's heart racing against his chest.Deidara edged up onto Sasori, and Sasori paused. "What's wrong…un?" Deidara murmured, tilting his head as his breathing slowed down.

Sasori kissed Deidara tenderly on the forehead, and studied his features again. "Can we just… hold each other, Dei-chan?"

Deidara blushed. Sasori never admitted he wanted to be affectionate. Deidara nodded slightly, and motioned for Sasori to stand up. Sasori did so, and Deidara leaned back.

"You look like you need a hug, un," he said quietly as Sasori lay down and rested his head against the blonde's chest. Deidara leant back, and closed his eyes lightly, subconsciously stroking Sasori's hair as Sasori listening to the dull thud, thud of Deidara's heartbeat, letting it comfort him.

They lay for a few moments, with Deidara absent-mindedly running his fingers through Sasori's thick, red hair, and Sasori sighing contentedly. It was dark outside, and they only had a small lamp lighting up the room.

Sasori sighed, and eased himself up. He kissed Deidara lightly, and pushed himself up from the couch, breaking the silence, "Let's go for a walk Dei-kun." He said quietly, and walked over to pull on a coat.

Deidara pushed himself up too, and yawned. Sasori was acting weird; usually he wanted to stay in. He looked over to the clock, which provided the only background noise, which said one am.

Deidara cringed, he didn't realise how quickly the time had gone by, and sighed as he realised he'd have to go home and leave Sasori; his mother had exploded when she'd found out, and there was no way he could stay at his flat.

Deidara pulled on his coat, and walked over to Sasori, clasping his hand. He squeezed it affectionately as they walked out of the small apartment and into the dark streets.

The street ahead was lit with small paper lanterns. It was quiet; everyone was either asleep or indoors. Deidara looked up to Sasori, and smiled weakly.

He knew Sasori was hurting, and that he was trying to hide it. The dull light shadowed the worst of his wounds, and for a moment Sasori seemed normal, not pained; but only for a moment.

As they stepped into the dim light of the lanterns, an all too familiar chill ran down Deidara's spine. The wounds had dried up slowly, but were red and swollen. The bruises were a dull black-purple colour and Sasori sighed as he saw a glint of sadness in Deidara's eyes.

"I'm fine, Dei-kun," he murmured, and wrapped his arm around the blonde's shoulders. It was cold, and Deidara was shivering slightly. Sasori paused, and pulled Deidara close, wrapping his thick coat around Deidara's shoulders.

"I love you…" He whispered into Deidara's ear as Deidara rested his head on his chest. Deidara sighed contentedly, and Sasori lifted his chin up gently and pulled him into a kiss. It was unexpected, and Deidara's stomach fluttered.

Sasori smiled, and brushed Deidara's fringe away from his face, kissing his forehead as he did. He sighed, and choked back tears. Tonight, he'd solve everything. Everything would go away. Deidara would be happy, and safe from harm…

Sasori walked as slow as he could, which Deidara found strange. Usually, Sasori sped ahead and Deidara had to tell him to slow down. Tonight, Sasori walked slowly, and seemed to take in every detail of his surroundings.

Deidara watched him with a puzzled half smile spread across his face. He'd never seen Sasori so interested in everything around him, he usually practically ran from point A to B, but tonight something seemed different about him.

"Look Dei-kun, have you ever noticed that before?" Sasori murmured, wrapping his arm around Deidara's direction and pointing in the direction of the lanterns. Deidara looked towards the direction Sasori was pointing, and looked questioningly at Sasori, frowning slightly. "What is it, un?"

"They put up the lantern we made all those years ago," Sasori said, pointing to a smaller lantern, which was made of white paper and had two different coloured hearts on it, one with a "D" painted onto it and one with an "S."

Deidara smiled, "I didn't realise that was there…" he remembered the festival that had come to their town years before, and how he'd dragged Sasori out to see it. There had been a small art store, and it had been Deidara's idea to paint a lantern together, "so we'll remember it when we're older, un."

Deidara smiled again and wrapped his arm around Sasori's waist. They started walking again, towards Deidara's home.

"That lantern's always going to remind me of us now, Sasori-kun," Deidara said quietly, smiling up at Sasori. Sasori noted that the light of the lanterns made Deidara's features softer, and created a dull glow that outlined him._ He really does look like an angel… _Sasori thought proudly, wondering how he'd managed to make someone so perfect fall in love with him, when he himself was so flawed.

They carried on walking quietly, Sasori all the time thinking that Deidara could've done better…should've done better…and will do better one day. He felt like a hollow shell; that only stayed alive because Deidara needed him to. But now…

Sasori thought of how Deidara had happily talked to Itachi, and how Itachi had protected them on more than one occasion… He sighed as he remembered how he'd caught Itachi staring at Deidara, and how Deidara had smiled back at him…

Sasori shook his head, causing Deidara too look at him in confusion. "Heh, ignore me," he said, half smiling and squeezing Deidara's shoulders tightly, "my head's just…all over the place at the moment."

Deidara nodded quietly, and tip-toed as they walked, kissing Sasori gently on the cheek, "Its okay, un."

They walked the rest of the journey in relative silence, holding each other and soaking in the view of the small paper lanterns, and the small houses with their tiny yards.

It was as if the world had gone to sleep, and they were walking through it, noticing every little detail they'd never usually pay attention to.

They reached Deidara's front door, and they both sighed. They needed each other tonight more than any other, but they had to be apart.

Sasori clasped the back of Deidara's head, and pulled him into an embrace. They looked deeply into each other's eyes, and wrapped their arms around each other as they kissed.

Sasori pulled away, and brushed his hands through Deidara's long, blond hair. Deidara clasped both of Sasori's hands and squeezed them tightly, tilting his head and kissing Sasori again in the soft light of the paper lanterns and the dim light of the moon.

They held each other, entering their own world. Deidara buried his head in Sasori's chest, and Sasori kissed the top of Deidara's head and held him…he never wanted to let him go.

"I love you Dei-kun…always remember that."

Deidara looked up, puzzled; why would he forget…?

"Deidara…?" a female voice questioned from the other side of the door. "Deidara!" Deidara's mother snatched the handle of the door and flung it open.

The boys broke apart quickly, Deidara still looking confused. "Deidara where the hell have you been?!" the woman ranted, grabbing Deidara by the back of his shirt and pulling him inside the doorframe.

"Mother, just give me a min-" Deidara was cut off as his mother glared at him, and pointed angrily at the clock. Deidara looked to her, then to the spot where Sasori had been standing.

Sasori was now just outside the gate of their small yard, and had his back to Deidara.

Deidara ran forward, and his mother grabbed the sleeve of his shirt, "Oh no you don't, inside _now_." She said, grimacing.

Deidara watched helplessly, and shouted "Sasori-kun…I'll see you tomorrow, un?" As soon as he said it, he wondered why he'd phrased it as a question. Why did he get the feeling he might not see his Sasori-kun tomorrow…?

As the door clicked behind him, a pain hit Deidara, to the left of his chest, and he grasped it tightly. Why did he get this horrible feeling…?

"Sasori…" he whispered quietly, "I…I didn't get to say I love you too…"

* * *

Hot tears burnt Sasori's face. _This is going to be for the best…_ He thought to himself, over and over. The last image he had in his head was his beautiful, cherished angel, with a look of confusion and…_fear_… spreading across his face. 

He didn't want to hurt Deidara, but at the same time, he didn't want Deidara to be physically hurt. He knew wounds healed, but what if one day Deidara came to resent him for putting him in the situation…? That thought scared him more than any attack ever could, and hurt almost as much as not being able to protect his Dei-kun.

Sasori walked slowly back to his apartment, past the twinkling lanterns that made the dark scene beautiful, past the alleyway where he'd been brutally attacked earlier and, he noted, where the plank of wood was still strewn onto the floor; probably still with his blood caked on it, not that he cared.

He didn't recount the day miserably as he would've done before; as he did the first time the boys slammed him against the lockers, as he did when they attacked Deidara. Instead, he smiled weakly.

He knew what he had to do, and when it was over, no one could ever hurt him again. At the same time, they'd have no reason to hurt Deidara anymore, and even if they still tried, Itachi would save him. Itachi - his hero-kun.

Sasori smiled weakly again at that thought. It tore him apart thinking of Deidara in the arms of someone else, but today, it comforted him.

He didn't want Deidara to be alone, he loved him too much to know that he'd be setting him up for a life of loneliness, but he knew he wasn't.

He saw how Itachi had looked at him, and how Deidara had blushed…He wasn't naïve, there was something there; the only thing stopping anything happening was him.

_And,_ he thought, hugging himself in his jacket, _that wouldn't be a problem pretty soon_.


	7. Chapter 7

The figure lay encased in darkness, but couldn't sleep. The events of the day ran through his mind, along with one recurring question…W_hy?_

He turned over in his bed, and pushed his head in between two pillows, trying to block out the world. He breathed out heavily, and closed his eyes as tight as they'd go; he just wanted to disappear for a while.

"Itachi!" A muffled voice called out through the front door, slamming a fist against the wood, "Itachi, open the door, I need to talk to you."

_Go away…_Itachi thought, grimacing as he lay still for a few more moments. He'd left the TV blaring in his small room, so the unwanted visitor knew he was in. Any hope of them giving up and going away faded, as a loud knocking sounded through the small apartment again.

Itachi breathed out heavily, and groaned as he pushed himself up out of the comfort of his bed and trudged to the front door.

"What do you w-" he said, crashing open the front door and glaring at the intruder. He was cut off, as he saw the familiar blue hair, and yellow contacts staring down on him.

His eyes narrowed, and his complexion paled slightly, "What the fuck do you want?" he murmured, hoping Kisame would stay at the front door and not barge his way into his home.

Kisame looked to his feet, shifting uncomfortably. He'd been practicing this all night. "I…" he looked into Itachi's angry eyes, which were contact-less and glinting a dark shade of brown, and cleared his throat nervously, "I…wanted to apologise…can we talk Itachi?"

Itachi relaxed slightly, and sighed. He studied his friend's face. Kisame seemed genuine. And he _had_ been drinking…It could've just been a mistake; a really horrible mistake…

"Fine, come in," Itachi murmured, and padded back to his room, leaving Kisame to make his way inside and shut the front door behind him.

Itachi sat back on his bed, and leant against the wall, letting his bare feet hang over the edge of the mattress. Kisame made his way into the room, and raised his eyebrow.

"You should really get some furniture y'know – a couch or something…"

Itachi glared at him, "If I bought a couch I wouldn't have money to eat for the rest of the month."

Kisame sighed, "Fine, f-"

Itachi cut him off, "…Furthermore, I wouldn't have money for rent either. This means I wouldn't have an apartment. This means I'd be homeless. But hey," he paused, grimacing again at Kisame, "As long as I have a fucking couch that's okay, huh?"

Kisame raised his hands up and in defeat, and sat on the edge of the end of the bed awkwardly. Itachi never usually snapped at him, never usually lost his cool at all. He wasn't sure how to react.

"I get it, I understand," he muttered, and turned to Itachi, "Look…"

Kisame sighed, and ran his fingers through his thick spiked blue hair.

"I'm really sorry Itachi. We've been friends for…years now. I don't want to ruin it. What did was so, so stupid, and I'm sorry I freaked you out," he paused, watching as his words sank in, and added with a weak smile, "I guess I really can't handle my drink, huh?"

Itachi raised his eyebrow, and smiled back, "I guess not, idiot." Itachi leant over and ruffled Kisame's hair, and laughed, "Forget it; I have."

Kisame grinned at Itachi, and as he ruffled Itachi's hair up, much to his protest, he murmured, "forgotten."

Kisame leant back again, and sighed. "Y'know, one day you'll have to move on, Itachi."

Itachi slumped down lower on his bed, lying down. "What if I don't want to?"

Kisame noted that whenever he approached the subject, Itachi seemed to become completely withdrawn. The usually calm, cool headed teen's body would slacken, his eyes would dull and sadness would tinge his features.

"Kisame, can you go? It's really late. I need sleep. I'll meet you tomorrow or something okay?"

Kisame held in a scowl; he knew Itachi would push him away. He was the one who had pulled Itachi through the whole mess, who'd saved him in the first place. It hurt when Itachi refused to confide in him after all those years.

Itachi pushed himself up from the bed, and walked with Kisame to the door.

"Tomorrow then," Kisame mumbled, walking out into the bitter cold of the streets.

"Yeah, tomorrow," Itachi answered, pausing to tap his friend on the back, "And, thank you for apologising Kisame."

Kisame stifled a smirk…how naïve Itachi was… "Its fine, Itachi, bye," he casually waved his hand over his shoulder at Itachi as he walked away, and when he was out of sight, he smiled.

It was working out perfectly. Next time, Itachi wouldn't get away.

* * *

Itachi closed the door with a dull _click_ behind him. He rested his back against the door and sighed; he was glad Kisame had apologised, but he was scared. Kisame had always been unpredictable with his temper, but he'd never… _Ugh… screw this…_

Itachi pushed himself forward, and walked back to his small room, throwing himself onto his bed. He listened to the TV for a moment, which was switched onto the news.

He rolled his eyes at the latest celebrity fall out, and rolled over, turning his back to the wall. He didn't turn off the TV; he liked having background noise to fall asleep to. It was a habit he'd developed when he first moved into his apartment, and he'd never quite shook it off.

Itachi lay on his side, and sighed, his eyes glinting sadness as he looked at the empty space next to him. She should be lying with him, talking…lighting up his life like she once had; the world had a cruel way of getting back at you when you made mistakes.

He smiled weakly and placed his hand on the empty space by him, bunching up the blanket and pulling it towards him, burying his face in it and closing his eyes…remembering.

The first thing he always remembered were her striking emerald eyes…the eyes that had made him fall so deeply in love from the moment he'd seen her. The next thing he remembered was her silky, shining dark hair, and how soft it had been when he'd ran his fingers through it.

The third thing he always remembered was the chill that shuddered his core when he realised she was in a relationship with another guy, another member of the gang he had been in.

By then it was too late, he was in love with her. The guy she was with didn't appreciate her, abused her… Itachi loved her with everything he had, so they continued their relationship.

He smiled weakly again as he remembered when he'd moved to his apartment, and how they'd hold each other every night, and how he secretly grinned to himself when he heard her making excuses to the guy about why she couldn't stay with him instead.

Itachi sighed, remembering the first night they'd spent together, before he'd moved to his apartment. They'd lay side by side, with her leaning her head on his chest and him encasing her from the world with a protective arm around her body.

They'd talked for hours about everything and nothing at the same time, about how one day, they'd run away together so that neither would face the consequences of being found out…

At that thought he sighed heavily, and his eyes became glassy with tears.

"What if I _can't_ move on…" he murmured into the dim light of the room, and clutched his blanket closer.

* * *

Sasori walked towards his small, scruffy apartment. He paused as he reached for the door, turning to look out to the darkened streets, to look out to his and Deidara's lantern, to look out to the direction of Deidara's home. He held out his hand and waved silently in the darkness.

"Goodbye, Dei-chan…" He sighed heavily, turning and looking up to the run down old building he'd called home for so long.

It loomed over him in the darkness, and he opened the door quietly, closing it behind him with a dull _click._

It was strange to think, but that was the last time he'd hear his noisy front door that usually bugged him. Now it was a reminder, holding hundreds of memories.

The first time he'd moved in, when he'd noticed with a bemused smile how the door _always_ clicked. The first time his Dei-kun had walked in, and the events of the night that changed his life forever.

The final click he'd made just moments ago; how the next time the door made its characteristic noise no one would notice with the chaos of the discovery before their eyes…

He sighed. Tears were still streaking down his face, still burning into his wounds like acid. He didn't want to be found, he didn't want to hurt other people, but it was for the best. He had to keep telling himself that, he couldn't back down now; to back down would be to destroy Deidara's life.

Sasori turned, and locked the door quietly behind him. The lamp had been left on from earlier, and he smiled weakly, "At least I won't have to worry about the electricity bill…"

His joke fell on nobody's ears, and echoed in his head. He felt hollow, as if he were watching somebody else.

He removed his shoes and padded quietly to his small, unlit room. He switched on the light, which stung his eyes, which had grown more accustomed to the darkness. As he dimmed the lights slightly, he turned and looked to his small apartment for the last time.

He took it all in, every little detail; every crack in the wall, every snag in the threadbare carpet. He never wanted to forget this place, and more importantly the times he'd spent here with Deidara. Even now all he had on his mind was Deidara, his beautiful angel…

He had no regret of his decision, it was no mistake.

_It was better this way... _

He slowly made his way to his bed, shutting the door behind him, closing out the world. He lay down quietly, reaching down into the cardboard box underneath his bed and picking out a scrap piece of paper and a pen.

He was still sobbing, though he made no noise anymore, and the piece of paper was being drenched with his tears. As they fell, they weakened the piece of paper. Sasori noted that he could perfectly compare the weakness of the paper to his state of mind, and his will to live on.

He winced as thoughts of the afternoon that he'd blocked out suddenly started to race through his mind. He felt dirty, disgusting; he felt like he'd betrayed Deidara. He knew that his decision was right; he couldn't pull Deidara into a mess that was entirely his fault.

"Deidara…my beautiful Dei-chan," Sasori whispered through sobs whilst he wrote the lines onto the paper with shaking hands.

"I want to apologise first, before I start writing this properly… I'm so, so sorry for what I'm about to do to you. It's not that I want to hurt you; that's the last thing I want, I love you…"

As he wrote, he carried on whispering in his head to his Dei-kun; his materialised whispers came out as painful rasps as the tears fell more rapidly.

"I don't want you to be involved in this stupid, horrible mess; I don't want you to be hurt… At the bottom of my heart I know you can do so much better than me…You deserve so much better…"

Sasori paused, and wiped his tears on his sleeve, before continuing, "Deidara, you were all I ever wanted, the one thing that kept me going all this time. You were _my _hero-kun. I've never been able to understand why somebody like you would want to be with me…"

"I've never been perfect…"

"But _you _are."

"Remember me; remember all the g_ood _times we had together. Don't be hurt…You can miss me for those times, but move on. I know you will, I know that you'll meet someone worthy."

Sasori paused again, breathing out heavily. He wanted this to be perfect…

"I don't want to pull you down, I don't want you to be unhappy; I want…I _need_ you to be the bright person you always have been, keep the honesty and goodness in your heart that is so rare in people these days."

"I know… I promised we'd always be together; I'm so, so sorry that I have to break that promise, but I couldn't carry on like this…Pretending."

Sasori stopped, and chewed the end of the pen in frustration. He _needed _this to be perfect.

"You know how awful I am at English, huh Dei-kun? Well… anyway, I'll try to get this right. I'm going to make you a new promise, as another apology for breaking the old one. I promise I'll wait for you…forever. I'll always watch over you."

"Remember our night. Remember you were, and always will be in my heart. Then, after the tears that I know will fall, promise me you'll remember how to smile again."

Sasori stopped again, and closed his eyes. He was fighting himself to breathe at a normal rate, but no matter how hard he fought his breathing came out as a pained sob; his tears choking him. He didn't want to be like this in his last few minutes, but he couldn't control it.

He cried harder as he realised his tears were making the ink run, staining the paper. He pushed himself up, and wiped the tears away from his face again.

He needed to focus; these were his last words… They needed to be written down with care for his Angel-kun.

"Deidara…"

Sasori choked again, feelings of misery and sorry overwhelming his small, battered body.

"I'll never forget your warm, gentle touch and your soft, flawless skin…Your golden hair and your bright blue eyes which for some reason lit up when you saw me…Your perfect face, your beautiful body…You really are an angel to me…Maybe someday, you'll be an angel to someone else…"

Sasori felt a sharp stabbing pain in his gut; as if something was already killing him inside…His heart was tearing apart, his soul slipping away.

The tips of his fingers turned white from the pressure he was putting on the pen as he tried to write as neatly as possible… he struggled as his handwriting gradually worsened.

"I'm sorry…I'm just so tired…"

Sasori felt that the moment was close, the moment he would finally be released. He would be freed from all his suffering; the painful memories would fade away into nothing.

Gently he closed his eyes, ignoring the pain that ate away at his body and heart. He needed to write that he knew about Itachi…_just a hint…_He knew then that Deidara would feel better about moving on…

"Maybe…a hero can save you from your tears."

Sasori lay the pen and paper down, and grabbed his hair desperately, pulling at it. He felt so alone; Deidara was the only person he'd had since his parents had died… His loving parents; how he'd longed to see them again.

_Maybe…maybe I'll see them again today…_

"Goodbye, Dei-kun…" Sasori whispered, "There's so much more I'd like to write to you, so much more I have to say… but some feelings just can't be written down. I love you, so much. I always will. Move on, for me…I just want you to remember what we had."

Slowly, Sasori closed his eyes once again. He already _felt_ like he was dying, but his wounds and the excruciating pain that rippled up and down his body and he shifted told him he was still very much alive.

He pushed himself up shakily, and padded over to his nightstand. He placed the letter to Deidara underneath one of the small candle holders, and made sure that it was noticeable so it was read.

He breathed out heavily, and knelt down, pulling out the ragged cardboard box from underneath his bed once again. He pulled out a knife, and its blade glinted in the light that was coming through the window from outside. He had always kept the knife there for safety; the neighbourhood wasn't the safest, and break ins and attacks were common, not that that mattered to him anymore.

He sat on the edge of his bed and examined the knife, passing it from one hand to another, feeling its sharp tip with the ends of his fingers.

_This is the moment…this is it…I have to do it…_

Tears still rolled down his face, but he felt numb to the burning they caused. His vision blurred.

"I'm so sorry Dei-chan…" he choked, his voice getting weaker from the sobbing.

He traced the knife over his battered body, and images once again raced through his mind. He wanted to cut away where they'd touched him; he wanted to sterilize his skin. He needed to feel the control over his body again.

A wave of anger swept over him, and he pushed the knife violently into his lower stomach, crying out as hot blood gushed from the wound. He pulled the knife out, and dragged it from the bottom of the palm of his hand in a vertical line to his inner elbow, feeling the cold metal slit open his wrist.

As more memories rushed back, more places that had been violated were remembered; he hacked violently at his body. _Go away…Please go away…_

His body took a moment to react to the wounds, and as the blood spread across the bottom of his shirt from the gape in his stomach, he started to go light headed.

He closed his eyes for a moment, and a new feeling, _relief_, washed over him. All he had to do was wait now.

The knife fell to the ground as his grip loosened, he could feel the ends of his fingers going cold; as if death were spreading slowly on his body. He turned, and clambered onto his bed again, gently picking up Deidara's clay sculpture which sat near his bed surrounded by burnt out candles.

Sasori felt his body weaken more, and he pulled the sculpture to his chest, letting it rest against the dull _thud_ of his heart, which gradually slowed.

He could tell that the blood was pooling from his newly inflicted wounds, and was spreading rapidly onto the bed sheets beneath him. He could feel that his body was finally giving up; finally slipping away… he thought, with crippling sadness, how his soul had given up so long ago…

With all his strength, he bought the sculpture up to his cheek, and brushed it tenderly against his soaked, pained face. His Dei-kun had touched this; his Dei-kun had made this for him… Deidara…his angel…his perfect, divine angel…

His breathing slowed more, the thud of his heart becoming strained. It ached as it fought to carry on living. He couldn't concentrate on his thoughts any longer, he was finally slipping away…

_Finally…It's over…_

As Sasori's body lost its fight, and the life escaped in the form of a final, heavy sigh, his hand fell and slumped to the edge of the bed.

His hand, which was gradually draining of colour, loosened, and the carefully crafted sculpture fell to the ground.

As Sasori died his body shuddered slightly from the loss of blood and the searing pain that had plagued his body.

The sculpture smashed.


	8. Chapter 8

Deidara gasped, jumping up and waking from his restless sleep, beads of sweat sticking his loose shirt to his body, which pulsated rapidly with his erratic breathing.

Why did he have a feeling something was wrong…?

He wiped his forehead with the back of his arm, and brushed his hair out of his eyes with his free hand. _Why am I shaking…?_

His vision was blurred, his body wanting to retreat back to his dreams. He stretched, and burrowed deep into the thick blanket, sighing.

He felt empty, and he wasn't sure why.

He closed his eyes, and concentrated on slowing his breathing down, clutching his blanket tightly to his heart, which felt as if it were being torn in two.

As he tried to ignore the sick feeling that was creeping from the pit of his stomach, he pulled the blanket tightly around it, encasing himself in darkness, trembling in the silence.

His eyelids were heavy, and as he drifted back into his restless dreams, he was comforted by the image of Sasori smiling, un-beaten, not in pain, with his red hair glinting in an unnaturally bright light.

Deidara smiled weakly, and hugged his blanket; not knowing the day to follow would be the worst in his life.

* * *

_No… Don't go Sasori… Please come back; please stay…_

Deidara rolled over again in his sleep, not being able to escape his nightmare. Suddenly, he felt cold, rough hands on his shoulders, and as the image of Sasori faded away he was shook vigorously into the real world.

"Deidara! Why won't you listen to me – you're really late."

Deidara opened his eyes slowly, and saw his mother grimacing, standing over him. She let go of his shoulder and narrowed here eyes, "It's staying out all night with that _boy_."

The blond boy pushed himself up from his bed, and frowned at his mother, "Shut up, un." He growled. He hated that she'd known Sasori for years; cared about him. It hurt Deidara that she could brush him off as easily as _"that boy_._"_

Deidara cursed again as she walked out of the room, mentioning breakfast wasn't an option as he tangled his long hair on his brush. He pulled it back roughly, giving in. He didn't feel right; he didn't know why. The last thing he cared about was the state of his hair.

He quickly pulled on a dark jumper and some plain, pale jeans; he didn't feel like wearing anything colourful today.

He picked up his rucksack, and threw it heavily onto his shoulder, making him wince slightly as the small wooden box of paints that were nestled in the bottom of the bag hit his spine.

Deidara walked out of his room, and ignored whatever his mother was shouting at him; he didn't have time. He pushed the front door open, and was hit by a blast of heavy rain.

"Like I said," he mother shouted from the house, "You need a coat, the weather's bad."

Deidara sighed, and walked back into the house, brushing the damp strands of blond hair from his face. He pulled on his beige jacket, and before opening to door into the storm, pulled his hood up, shielding his face from the harsh downpour.

He trudged to school, looking up to see that somebody had forgotten to take the lanterns down. His and Sasori's lantern was being battered by the storm, and a couple of crumpled lanterns littered the floor, though, Deidara thought with a weak smile, his and Sasori's was clinging to the line.

Deidara walked forward, not really thinking of a direction; school was programmed into his head, so it was simple to get to. The journey dragged on, Deidara noted that the whole morning was dragging on. He needed Sasori to talk to, to pass the time.

As he neared the end of the street, he sighed heavily again; Sasori wasn't there. _Maybe he's late…_ Deidara thought to himself, shielding his eyes as the rain changed direction and started to pelt into his face. Deidara quickly pulled out his cell phone from his jacket pocket. 9:55am… Lessons had started almost an hour ago; he didn't have time to wait for Sasori, _and_ he reasoned in his mind_ Sasori's probably just carried on without me._

The blond boy carried on walking, still shielding himself from the rain, until he reached the double door-ed entrance to the main hall of the school. He pushed the doors open, and walked through the hallway to the doorway to his class.

He grimaced, and pushed the door to his class open, causing the teacher to pause her speech. She turned to Deidara, and instantly started lecturing him on bad timekeeping. Deidara sighed, and walked to his desk, slumping in his chair and wishing the day away.

_Why didn't Sasori answer his phone…?_

The lesson dragged on, and Deidara pulled his phone out under the desk numerous times, sighing as Sasori's phone went onto the answer machine.

He tried to reason that there was nothing wrong, that Sasori was just asleep, or the phone was in the other room, but he could tell something was wrong. He couldn't just sit in lesson when his Sasori-kun might be in trouble.

After twenty minutes, each second dragging by as slowly as hours, Deidara pushed his chair back and gathered his things.

The teacher looked questioningly at the boy, who she was told was usually extremely well behaved, "Deidara, what are you doing?"

Deidara sighed, and clutched his stomach dramatically, shielding his mouth with his hand, "I think I'm going to be sick, I'm going to have to leave right away."

He pushed past the rows of desks, and past the confused looking woman, and ran through the door, slamming it behind him.

As he reached the end of the lockers, he rolled his eyes and un-clutched his stomach. Teachers were easy to fool. He leant on the side of the end locker, and tried Sasori's phone again, sighing as he heard the familiar monotone voice, "Please leave a message..."

Deidara pushed himself away from the locker, and started to make his way to the double doors, when a familiar voice stopped him in his tracks.

"Look bitch, you can't tell me what to do," the raven haired boy ranted, crashing out of the classroom, nearly knocking Deidara over.

As Itachi looked up and saw Deidara's face, his expression softened, changing from anger to a weak smile.

"Hey," he said quietly, clearing his throat and blushing slightly.

The teacher who Itachi had been ranting at burst out the classroom after the boy, and grimaced, "Back in here, _now_."

Itachi rolled his eyes and turned to the woman, whose face was tinted crimson with embarrassment and anger, "I just said you can't tell me what to do," Itachi smirked, "I'm going now, bye."

As he uttered "bye," he grabbed Deidara's wrist and pulled him, launching them both out of the double doors. Deidara's legs struggled to keep up with the taller, more athletic teen's, and when the building was nearly out of sight Itachi paused for breath, letting Deidara's wrist drop and resting his hands on his knees.

Itachi turned to Deidara, and smiled weakly again, "So, where to?"

Deidara paused, from the moment Itachi had nearly crashed into him, he'd completely forgotten about Sasori. That thought made his stomach pang with guilt.

"I can't get in touch with Sasori, un." Deidara said quietly, looking at his feet. He didn't want to get upset in front of Itachi; especially if he was just freaking out over nothing. He sighed and continued, "I need to go and see if he's okay…"

Before he had finished his sentence, Itachi had started walking in the direction of Sasori's apartment.

"C'mon then, let's go wake him up," Itachi grinned, "he probably just had a late night. Hell, if he's anything like me he could sleep through an earthquake."

Deidara smiled weakly at that thought, and hurried after his dark haired friend.

They made their way to Sasori's house quietly, Deidara's stomach twisting with nerves.

"Itachi…" he said quietly. The taller boy slowed down his pace and turned to face Deidara.

"What's up?" Itachi tried to hide the concern in his voice, but he could see that Deidara was going to get upset. He hoped not; he was awful with people. He'd be lost if Deidara started freaking out on him.

Deidara sighed, "I…What if something's happened to Sasori, un?"

Itachi frowned, _oh shit…_ "What makes you say that?"

"Well," Deidara started, trying to keep himself calm, "the neighbourhood; its rough. What if somebody broke in and Sasori got hurt, un?"

Itachi smiled weakly, and put his hand reassuringly on Deidara's shoulder, "If anybody broke in, he'd give them hell, I know that much."

Deidara smiled up at Itachi, "Thanks."

They reached the flat, and Deidara noticed the curtains were drawn, but a dim light shone through the gap.

_That's odd…Sasori never leaves stuff on, he can't afford to…_

Deidara sighed again, and Itachi turned to him, saying in the calmest voice he could muster, "He's fine, Deidara."

_What if he isn't fine, idiot?_ The voice rang through his head, taunting him._ You can't promise he is._ Itachi looked to the building. It didn't look good; it looked empty. He had a sinking feeling in his stomach, but his train of thought was cut off as Deidara knocked loudly on the front door.

"Sasori-kun! Sasori-kun! It's me, Deidara, answer the door!" He knocked again, but nothing in the house stirred.

"Sasori-kun!" Deidara shouted, louder than the first time. He went to the window and knocked on the glass, but there was no response.

Deidara turned to Itachi, desperation crowding his eyes as he murmured, "Break the door down, un."

Itachi's eyes widened, and he leant towards Deidara.

"What did you say?"

"Break the door down, please, un." Deidara's eyes started to go glassy; he had a horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach. He didn't want it to be right, but he knew that Sasori was hurt.

Itachi turned to the door, and bit his lip. He didn't want to break into Sasori's home; if everything was fine Sasori would be pissed, but…if everything wasn't…

He didn't give himself a chance to think, and walked off slowly, positioning his shoulder towards the door. He ran full pelt at the door, and felt his shoulder crunch slightly as the warped wood gave way to his full body weight.

The wood in the upper half of the door smashed into small splinters, and rained down on the old carpet in the hallway. Itachi frowned, noticing that the lamp was still on, and that there was a dim shimmer of light coming from beneath the door nearest the entrance.

"Wait here," Itachi murmured, as he reached down to the handle on the inside of the door, pushing it up aggressively and breaking the lock. He'd broken into houses before while helping Kakuzu on his numerous money making stints, but usually he'd pick the locks; he'd never full on smashed into someone's house.

Itachi walked slowly into the apartment, making sure that Deidara stayed outside. He quietly switched off the lamp, and tried to assess the situation in his mind.

He edged towards the door way with the light glinting from underneath it, and breathed out heavily as he twisted the handle and started to push it open. He glanced out the corner of his eye, and noted that Deidara had stayed put, with a concerned look on his face, at the entrance of the apartment. _Expecting his Hero-kun to save the day…_

As the door creaked open, Itachi's crimson eyes widened.

Sasori lay on the bed, pale, with blood pooled around him. Clay was shattered onto the floor and Sasori's hand hung limp from the edge of the bed.

Itachi closed his eyes tightly, and cleared his throat; he had to stay calm, he couldn't deal with Deidara freaking out and… this too.

"Deidara," Itachi murmured quietly, "Call your mother. Tell her to come here now."

Deidara raised his eyebrow. What was wrong? It was obvious Itachi was keeping him away from something, but…what?

"Itachi," the blond murmured, "I'm coming in now. Please don't try to stop me."

As he talked, he shuddered at how cold his voice sounded. He felt as if it were somebody else controlling his body, pushing him forward, making his legs work.

As Deidara walked to Itachi's side, he noted that Itachi had tried to stop him, push him back, cover his eyes; anything to shield him from the scene that unfolded around him, shattered his world.

The first thing Deidara noticed was the dim light that shined onto Sasori, softening his features, making him look like a red haired fallen angel. He noticed the pools of dark, dried blood that caked the bed covers underneath his lover. _Former lover…_

He stared at the scene, which in his mind could have easily come from a horror movie. He choked back tears as he saw the shattered clay model, which Sasori had treasured, littering the floor.

He could sense Itachi tensing up, not knowing what to do. It would've been so easy if he'd just broken down and cried, but instead… Deidara stared on, his face conveying no emotion. His blue eyes were dull, and he felt a burning pain ripping into his chest.

He wanted to cry, he wanted to let go, but he felt…nothing. His head was a mess of whirring thoughts; his Sasori-kun was dead…he'd killed himself…he promised he'd never leave, and now Deidara was on his own…

Itachi placed a hand on Deidara's shoulder, and murmured for Deidara to pass him his phone so he could make a couple of calls. Deidara had done so, his eyes not once moving from his dead lover, his body not responding to Itachi's touch.

Itachi called Deidara's mother, and explained the urgency of the situation, and how he didn't know what to do.

Deidara walked slowly over to Sasori, and stared at his face. He seemed more peaceful now, less troubled; like the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders. His skin was paler than usual, and off white colour, and his wounds from the attack had dried up, leaving only the gaping cuts he had inflicted upon himself.

Deidara brushed his hand gently over Sasori's face, and kissed his forehead.

"I love you, un."

As he whispered that, all the times Sasori had replied rushed into his mind, and hot tears ran down Deidara's emotionless face. He could almost hear Sasori saying he loved him too… But Sasori didn't respond this time.

He knelt down, and gently brushed together the bits of clay, forming a small pile that he clasped to his breaking heart.

He sensed that Itachi was next to him, and had picked up something from the nightstand beside him, but he didn't care…

"Deidara…" A woman's voice, his mother's. She knelt down next to her son, and brushed his hair out of his eyes. She placed her arm around him, and pulled him up, slowly walking him towards Itachi.

"I'll deal with this," she said softly, "You go with your friend and get some air."

Deidara stared ahead, tears still streaking down his face as Itachi wrapped a protective arm around his shoulders and walked him towards the front door.

Itachi sighed, and pulled his arm away from the blond as they carried on walking. He wanted to comfort him, hold him tight, protect him from the world; yet he couldn't. Not now.

* * *

They climbed the rocky, slippery grounds to the bridge, Itachi pulling Deidara up as the blond stared emotionlessly, the flow of tears stemming. He said nothing, and walked over to the wall, sliding down it slowly, defeated, broken.

"I…" Deidara started, pausing and gasping for the breath that escaped due to his rapid breathing, "I…don't understand why he'd leave without… without leaving me something, explaining…"

Deidara swallowed, and took a deep breath in again. Itachi noted that he was shaking, and his breathing was rapidly speeding up.

"Well…" Itachi murmured, doubting if it was the right time. _When would the right time be…?_

"He did leave you something, I found it… I brought it with me…"

Itachi's voice trailed off as Deidara looked up to him, silenced, a pained hope spreading across his shattered face. His pale blue eyes filled with tears, and Itachi turned away; he couldn't stand to look.

"Give it to me…please…" Deidara whispered, and sighed loudly, trying to control his breathing and failing miserably.

Itachi reached into his jacket and gently pulled out a folded piece of paper with "Deidara" written across the outside of the folds.

"I didn't read it," Itachi said quietly, handing the letter to Deidara's trembling hands. Deidara looked at the piece of paper and tears started to trail down his face. He held the edges gently, and stared, his eyes refusing to show the emotion that his tears betrayed.

His hands still trembled as he gently unfolded the paper, he didn't want to damage it. These were Sasori's last words; he had to be careful with them… He needed them…

Itachi turned his back to Deidara, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a cigarette as he looked towards the skyline. He knew what it was like to lose someone, he himself could still remember the first few days, how unreal they seemed. He couldn't forget, and he couldn't watch as somebody's life was crushed as his was.

Itachi sighed, and stared at the mist that infused with the smoke he blew from his nostrils. It seemed unfair; Sasori had given up and Deidara was punished for it. Itachi tried to stay emotionless, it wasn't his pain, his loss, but even though he'd met Sasori only a couple of days before, he felt a connection with him, had protected him. He was a nice kid, he didn't deserve this. Neither did Deidara.

Itachi looked from the corner of his eyes, turning slightly, to see how Deidara was. The boy was still reading, tears streaming down his face. A sick feeling crept up to his stomach; it hurt him to see Deidara like this. The Deidara he knew was bright and cheerful. Itachi felt lost.

"I just want you to remember what we had." Deidara croaked, his voice sounding as a high pitched, pained whisper. He lowered the letter, Sasori's last words.

Itachi froze, and his cigarette fell from his mouth to the ground as he watched Deidara crawl together into a ball, pushing his face to his knees, crying; hurting.

Itachi turned, fully facing the blond, who was crumpled in a shuddering heap against the wall. He stared, his crimson eyes showing the despair his body tried desperately to hide. Itachi walked slowly towards Deidara, and knelt down in front of him.

"I'm so sorry, Dei-kun," he whispered softly, brushing the blonde's tear matted hair from his eyes.

"I know how you feel, but Sasori wouldn't want to see you like this, he wouldn't want you to be hurting like this…" his voice trailed off as Deidara sobbed louder, his face pressing against his knees, his body shaking violently.

"I… I…k…know…," Deidara stuttered, the tears choking his voice, "b…but it hurts, Itachi…san…I…I don't want him to go, I don't understand…"

Deidara cried loudly into his knees, coughing as he worked himself up more. His breathing sped up, and he started to shiver.

"I…I don't want him to go, Itachi…" Deidara wept, tightening his grip on his knees.

Itachi bit his lip and edged closer to the boy, and ran his hand softly through his blonde hair.

"I SHOULD GIVE UP TOO, JUST LIKE HIM," Deidara screamed, though his cry was muffled and lost in the fabric of his trousers.

The statement alerted Itachi, and he quickly grabbed Deidara's shoulders, stopping them shuddering. He pushed Deidara's chin up so the boy was facing him.

"Don't talk like that!" he cried angrily, glaring at Deidara, whose pale blue eyes were now bloodshot, raw from tears, "You're only saying that because you're hurting. Don't go thinking like that…"

Deidara's eyes narrowed, fresh tears springing from his eyes, "Who cares?!" he shouted back, squaring up to the Uchiha boy, "No one else gives a fuck about me. I'd be better off where Sasori is!"

Itachi looked into Deidara's eyes, and Deidara stopped, biting his lip. He saw the hurt flicker across Itachi's crimson eyes. Itachi took a deep breath, and looked to the floor.

"I…like you…okay?" he paused, and wiped the tears away from Deidara's eyes, "Trust me, I don't say that very often to people, but I really like you," Itachi paused again, and half smiled, pushing the strands of hair away from Deidara's raw eyes…pushing thoughts that he shouldn't be thinking out of his mind; _God…why did I have to blurt out that I like him? What the hell's he gonna think of me now…?_

"I give a fuck about you, Dei. You'd hurt me by leaving," he murmured, and gently slipped his arms around the blond, pulling him to his chest. Deidara pressed his head against Itachi's body, and sobbed quietly, soaking his dark shirt, collapsing into the older boy's protective embrace.

"Just hold on, it'll be alright, trust me…" Itachi whispered into Deidara's ear, closing his eyes and resting his chin on the top of the blonde's head, feeling every shudder vibrate through his body…feeling Deidara's pain.

Itachi held Deidara, murmuring reassurances and softly stroking his hair, shielding him from the harsh reality of the world. Eventually Deidara's breathing started to even out, though tears still snaked down his pale complexion. Itachi leant back, and gently cupped Deidara's face, their eyes meeting, an unspoken understanding bonding them.

"I know its tough Deidara, but…I've been there, I know it's hard, but you'll get there…trust me."

Itachi sighed, and studied Deidara's face. His pale complexion was blotchy with tears, his eyes raw. He needed looking after, needed somebody there for him.

Deidara sniffed, and looked back to Itachi, whispering, "Thank you…Hero-kun."

They stared at each other for some time, neither knowing what to say. The silence wasn't awkward; it was welcome after the chaotic, hellish day they'd endured.

"WHAT YA' LOOKIN DEPRESSED FOR BLONDIE?!" a familiar, husky voice screamed as Hidan dived around the corner, grinning as Kakuzu followed him, looking unimpressed by his accomplice's dramatic entrance.

Itachi breathed a sigh of relief as Hidan cut the moment short, knowing he would be able to ignore the tension he felt between him and the blond as long as there were people around to distract him. He heard the familiar reassuring clink of bottles in Hidan's bag and smiled weakly, they'd all be out of it pretty soon anyway.Hidan tsk-ed at the pair, raising his eyebrow. Deidara looked to the floor, guilt panging in his stomach; he realised how this looked, Sasori not there and him in Itachi's arms. "Stealing someone's date again, Itachi?" Hidan said, looking disapprovingly at the pair, "What would the Redhead say if he saw you were all over Blondie?"

Itachi glared at Hidan, and growled menacingly, starting to say something but being cut off by Deidara, who pushed himself away from the larger teen and started to sob again. Itachi sighed loudly, trying to figure out how to explain what happened, not even knowing how to begin; especially with Deidara still there.Hidan turned to Deidara, his eyes widening, "Whoa, cool it Blondie, I won't say anything..."He was cut off by Kakuzu clouting him around the head. The larger boy had figured out something was wrong, and that Hidan was putting his foot in it by continuing.Hidan looked helplessly at the sobbing teen, and Deidara quickly held his hands in front of his face. "Don't look at me, I'm a mess," the blond cried, turning away from Hidan, whose face was clouded with confusion."...I'd say," Hidan murmured, his voice hinting concern, "Why you crying, what's happened? Fuck..."

Deidara slumped back against the wall, pulling himself into a ball and sobbing quietly against his knees.

Hidan turned to Kakuzu awkwardly, and shrugged. He hadn't dealt with this kind of situation before, and when he'd been faced with them he'd simply walked away.

Kakuzu sighed, stepping forward, "What's going…"

He was cut off by a blue haired boy, who swept around the corner silently, none of the others noticing his presence, "What the fuck is going on Itachi?" The teen's eyes narrowed and he motioned at the blond sitting on the ground, still weeping quietly.

For the first time in his life, Hidan stayed quiet, not knowing what to say, his lilac eyes dissecting the scene around him. He walked over to Itachi, and took his shoulder in his hand.

"..What the fuck man, you're shaking..?" Hidan murmured. Itachi looked up to him, and allowed himself to be walked to the wall, where he slouched down between Deidara and Hidan, who knelt and tilted his head, curiosity overcoming tact.

Itachi took a deep breath, and tried to control the trembling. It all still seemed so unreal, and he was playing through his head how he could actually explain everything.

"You better sit down," he murmured quietly to Kisame and Kakuzu. Kisame's smirk disappeared as realisation his him that there was something seriously wrong.

They sat down against the opposite wall, three pairs of eyes staring questioningly at the raven haired boy and the shattered blonde.

"It's Sasori…" Itachi croaked, trying to avoid eye contact with the three teens, lowering his voice in an attempt to shield Deidara from hearing the harsh realities of the day again, "H… He…" Itachi paused, shaking his head as he breathed out a heavy sigh. He ran his hands through his hair and stared up to the ceiling of the crumbling bridge.

_"…He killed himself_."


	9. Chapter 9

As Itachi's words sunk in, a wave of ice cold reality fell upon the group. Itachi noted that Kisame started to go pale, and Kakuzu clutched the back of his head, looking to the floor, not knowing how to respond.

Hidan clasped his forehead in his hands, and started to rock gently, "Oh man…" he started, moaning, "That's awful…" He turned to Deidara, and said as softly as he could, "Fuck man… I'm sorry Deidara…"

Deidara didn't react, his sobbing had ceased. He was sitting; his face buried the fabric of his trousers, lifeless. He didn't respond, didn't react, didn't cry… He was empty, a cold, empty shell of his former self.

Itachi turned to Hidan, and gently clasped his shoulder, eyeing the silver haired boy's rucksack.

"Maybe…" Itachi cleared his throat, "…it'd make us all feel better."

Hidan nodded and reached into his bag, producing large bottles of strong alcohol. Kakuzu pulled his shoulders back and stretched, he had seen this scene so many times, people losing those closest to them; but usually, those people had done wrong, they deserved it… Deidara was innocent, naïve, still learning about the world.

Deidara ignored well meaning offers of alcohol, he was no drinker. He declined the offers over and over, but he didn't want to fight the tears back anymore, he didn't want to _feel _anymore… He was starting to think anything could be better than this feeling, how he felt his heart ripping apart, feeling as though he himself were dead.

Itachi leant forward, picking up one of the larger bottles and wincing as the liquid poured down his throat, the familiar, reassuring burning feeling running through to his stomach. He leant back, and blew the strands of Deidara's hair that fell to his face away from his eyes.

Hidan sat the other side of Deidara, and shifted uncomfortably, carefully pulling out a small, crumpled paper bag. Itachi eyed it curiously, his vision blurring as the alcohol seeped through his system. Itachi smiled weakly, "Seriously, Hidan. Sort your bag out, it's a piece of shit."

Hidan looked over to Itachi, and rolled his eyes, carefully placing the smaller bag on the floor and zipping up his rucksack, which seemed to be held together with small pieces of mismatched material.

He made a "shush" sign by putting his index finger to his mouth, and then slowly unwrapped the folds that held the smaller bag together. Small clinical needles lay side by side, and glistened as the dull light of the sun reflected onto them.

Kakuzu, who would usually snatch the drugs from his friend, made no attempt to take the needles. He understood that they needed it, they needed to be somewhere else, to escape; no one more so that Deidara.

He looked over to the blond, who had stopped crying and was staring at the glinting needles from the corner of his eyes.

Kakuzu motioned at the needles, "Hidan, be sure to save me some of that, yeah?"

Hidan nodded, "'Tach too?"

Itachi looked up as Hidan pulled the cap of one of the needles, and flicked it, checking it worked. His crimson eyes studied the needle, knowing that its contents would stop his mind wandering, numb him from the world for a few hours.

It had been a long time since he had last felt its full effects, but he felt a wave of energy course through his body, and he cursed silently as he realised he wanted nothing more than to snatch the needle from Hidan's hands.

Kisame didn't comment, and frowned as he slid himself down the wall and lay on the cool stone, his thoughts enveloping him. Why did Sasori kill himself…?

He eyed the scene, noticing that Deidara still held the letter in his hands, stiffly pressing the paper against his chest. His eyes were red, his complexion blotchy. His face was emotionless, and he stared now to the ground, loosing interest in the needles.

He was brought back to reality as a cold grip latched around his small, fragile wrist. He turned, his pale blue, hurt eyes searching the lilac tinted gaze of the older boy.

"Come on," Hidan murmured, pulling the section of needle back, readying it to be injected, "Let me do it, I promise you'll feel better," Hidan looked deep into Deidara's eyes, "…the pain will go away."

Deidara stared, fear tingeing his features for a moment. "Let me?" Hidan asked quietly, raising his hand and pulling Deidara's arm taut. Deidara took a deep breath and nodded his head slightly, closing his eyes and facing away from the silver haired teen.

Itachi watched, his eyes widening as Hidan murmured assurances to Deidara, and pushed the needle gently into the crease in his arm. He knew Hidan was trying to help, but… he wasn't sure this was the way to save Deidara.

Deidara opened his eyes as Hidan pulled the needle away, and felt a tingle where the needle had left its mark. He felt the cold fluid coursing through his veins, and closed his eyes tightly, trying to block out everything. He didn't want to feel anymore, he didn't want to care. Nothing seemed important now Sasori was gone…

"'Tach, want some?" Hidan asked, readying another needle.

Itachi stared at the needle for a few seconds, and then broke away from the trance, shaking his head.

"I don't really like needles…" He murmured, pulling up his sleeve to display the inside of his elbow. There were flecks of red, scars; reminders of his past. Itachi cleared his throat, "Do you have…y'know, anything else?"

Kakuzu grimaced, "That stuff isn't cheap you know. You've got expensive taste, my friend."

Hidan smothered a smirk and reached back into his stitched up rucksack, producing a small, plastic bag which contained white powder.

"Here, ya fucking Red-eye," He said, throwing the bad to Itachi, "Don't let me hear you complain."

Itachi caught the bag, and smiled a weak thanks to Hidan, who motioned with his hand, brushing it off. He pushed the strands of raven hair from his eyes, and reached for the bottle that was closest to him, gulping down the liquid.

He slammed the bottle to the ground, and wiped his mouth on his sleeve, grimacing as he opened the bag, dipping a shaking index finger into the powder and rubbing it onto his gums.

A warm feeling started to creep from his feet, blanketing him. His body slackened, and he leant back on his hands, feeling calmer.

Deidara reached over to the discarded bottle, and started to drink, quickly emptying the remainders of the alcohol. He slammed the bottle back onto the floor, and Hidan raised his eyebrows as he noticed the liquid dripping from the blonde's chin.

"Whoa, calm down there Blondie," he half laughed, forgetting the situation. He noted that Deidara was starting to sweat; apparently the drugs had begun to work their magic.

Hidan reached over and pried the bottle away from Deidara's hands, throwing it to his right and hearing it splash into the lake that sprayed quietly below them. He picked up a fresh needle and started to prepare it for himself.

Itachi sighed, and stretched, lying down on the cold, damp floor in the middle of the bridge, oblivious to Kisame studying him.

"I don't get it…" Deidara whispered, his voice still weak and cracked from crying.

"What…?" Itachi asked, tilting his head so his eyes met the blonde's.

"Maybe a hero can save you from your tears…" Deidara murmured, confusion biting at his features, "I… I don't get it, what did he mean?"

"I'm not sure," Itachi said softly, shrugging and stretching again, moving to sit by Deidara, oblivious to the yellow tinted eyes that stared at him, studying his every move. He felt sleepy, he needed to rest now. Thinking wasn't on the cards.

Kisame pushed himself up into a sitting position, grimacing but trying to hide the anger that tainted his face. He knew exactly what that meant. It meant Itachi and Deidara cared for each other, it meant that _stupid_ Red head had noticed, and that he was telling Deidara it was okay to move on… It all made sense… Deidara had called Itachi _his_ Hero-kun… HERO!

Kisame growled gently under his breath, anger consuming him… Why Deidara, and not him? Why that idiotic girl, and not him?

Deidara slid down the wall until his head was level with Itachi's, and leant his head gently against Itachi's shoulder. Kisame felt his hand turn into a fist, watching as Itachi did nothing to push Deidara away, just letting him stay… The blue haired boy tried to dismiss their actions as consequences of the drugs, but he knew there was more to it.

Itachi turned slightly to rest the side of his face on Deidara's head. "You can depend on us," he murmured, his voice slurring slightly.

Kisame stood up, he couldn't stand this. He'd end up hurting Deidara if he didn't move away, soon. "I'm going, gym training and all that," he snorted, ignoring the scene and walking away, telling himself that they were drugged, that it didn't matter…

"Kisame can't handle it!" Itachi shouted after the blue haired boy, who waved to dismiss the comment. Itachi laughed, forgetting his troubles for the moment.

"…un" Deidara murmured quietly, closing his eyes. He never wanted to be sober again; he wanted to stay like this forever, numbed. He knew the moment he was sober, the pain of reality would destroy him, and added to that… the guilt that he knew he would feel.

"Don't worry Deidara," Hidan said, smiling, the usual aggression in his eyes disappearing, "You can stay with us from now on, we're here for ya."

"Yeah," Kakuzu added softly, "Buncha' messed up kids. Kind of sad, huh?"

"Maybe…" Hidan mused quietly, managing to be serious, another first in his life, "Maybe it's better this way, I mean, we've all got each others backs. We can help each other out," He paused, and cleared his throat, realising how unintentionally emotional he was sounding. "Heh, we'd all be fuckin' alone otherwise."

Deidara opened his eyes again, and tried to focus on his feet, though the drugs made the task almost impossible. He felt confused… he was alone, but at the same time…

Deidara sighed quietly, and nuzzled more into Itachi's shoulder. He knew Itachi was there for him, but it wasn't the same… Sasori was his lover, he first and only lover. Though the memories they had together were still there, Deidara was the only one who could treasure them. It broke Deidara's heart that he could never make anymore memories with his Sasori-kun, and he couldn't imagine being with anyone else; the mere thought left a horrible, guilty pain in the pit of his stomach.

But… why did Sasori need to leave him? He was alone now. All he wanted was to feel like he belonged, not with someone, but with Sasori. He needed to be in Sasori's arms again, just one last time, one last time… like the one precious night they'd shared. He felt how Itachi responded to his movement, how he wrapped a protective arm around him and studied him from the corner of his eyes, making sure he was okay, but all they had was a friendship. A friendship that would never be the same as what he and Sasori had shared…love.

Deidara realised he was trembling, thinking of death, combined with the drugs, the alcohol… he felt cold, weak. He didn't know how to react, how to act with the toxins pumping round his system. Itachi noticed, and unwrapped his arm from the shuddering blond.

He quietly pulled his jacket off, and turned to Deidara.

"Here." He murmured, no hint of emotion in his voice, his crimson eyes telling Deidara that although Itachi was there in body; his mind was in other places.

Deidara stared at Itachi while Itachi wrapped the jacket around his shuddering body. The jacket swamped him, and Deidara pulled it up to his chin, appreciating the warmth.

"T…thanks," Deidara said quietly, his voice hinting confusion. He still wasn't sure how to feel or think, how to act around the raven haired boy. He was afraid that he would slip up, do something stupid and make a fool of himself because of the drug's influences.

"Don't mention in," Itachi answered, leaning back against the wall and staring directly ahead to the empty space in front of him… remembering…

Deidara felt the cold creeping towards the spot on his shoulders, Itachi's touch gone. He bit his lip as he tried to evade thinking of what his mind screamed – he was disappointed. He wanted to feel the closeness and the gentle concern in Itachi's touch… he couldn't help himself.

He clutched the jacket, and nestled deeper into it, letting the warm fabric shield him from the world, inhaling the mix of alcohol, marijuana and smoke that engulfed the garment. 

Slowly, he turned his head, and watched the sky. How many hours had passed since this morning…? The sky was a mix of purple and red, dusk setting in.

Deidara's mind wandered; what would become of him after this? Nothing would be the same again… Sasori had always been there, they went through everything together.

Now, Deidara though, sighing, he had to stand on his own two feet, and walk this "life" on his own.

* * *

Deidara made his way through the cold streets, still wrapped in Itachi's jacket. Itachi had said he could keep it, he had plenty more and Deidara was still shuddering from the ice cold waves that consistently engulfed his body.

He walked towards his door, which was dimly lit by a small porch light overhead. He tried to focus on the keyhole, and fumbled with the keys, cursing as he caught his fingers on the sharp edges of the metal. Eventually, he pushed the key through, and opened the door, gingerly stepping into his unlit home.

He closed the door behind him, and paused for a moment, resting the back of his head on the cold wood. He must've been out for a while; the dusk that he saw earlier was now a pitch black, with only the dull light of the moon shining through the thin curtains that hung in front of the main room windows as a source of vision.

His body still tingled from the effects of the drugs, and he found himself thinking of how the night before he'd stopped out, and how his mother had been angry. It seemed later than then, so, his noted, she would probably be asleep by now.

Deidara sighed, thinking of the last thing he'd said before he knew of Sasori's death.

_I didn't say I love you too…_ He winced. If only he'd chased after Sasori, pushed his mother's grip away…saved him.

He padded across the room, which seemed to convey exactly how he felt, gloomy…dead. With a slow movement, he threw his keys onto the table, not noticing the figure sitting on the couch in the living area. He felt… lost. He wanted to go to sleep numbed by the drugs, and never wake up.

"Deidara…" the soft voice of the shadowed figure murmured, concern dripping from the call to her son; his mother, staying awake, waiting for him, "Come and talk, huh?"

Deidara paused, and looked over to his mother, not saying a word, not moving from his spot. He didn't want to go over everything again, he couldn't… But he wanted her to understand.

"Wait, I'll put the lights on," his mother said, pushing herself up from the couch.

"No," Deidara hissed, his voice uncharacteristically aggressive, "It… it's fine this way. I just… just… Leave it this way, un."

"Alright," his mother murmured, taken back by the anger in her son's voice, "Come here, Dei-kun."  
She patted the place next to her on the couch, and looked up at her son, her eyes pleading with him to forgive her, to confide in her and let her comfort him.

Deidara hesitated. Sitting with her meant having to go over everything again, open up about his feelings… He didn't know if he could, if he'd be able to stop or if he'd break again. He choked as tears started to well up and a burning sensation ran up his throat.

"Dei…?" his mother tilted her head questioningly, confusion clouding her features.

"I…I'm sorry, un," Deidara murmured, walking to the couch, shaking, "I'm… I'm just so lost…"

He eased himself down onto the seat, and looked to his mother, whose features, so similar to his own, were highlighted in the pale moonlight. She raised her hands and stroked Deidara's cheeks, brushing the newly formed tears away, and let her hands rest there.

"Deidara, you have to talk… to get over it. Please… please don't lock it in," his mother sighed heavily, her striking blue eyes closing sadly, "I…I know we haven't got along the last few days, but I still want you to talk about it… I want to be here for you."

Deidara scowled, feeling anger and sadness rise in his body at the same time, "You wouldn't understand," he whispered acidly, remembering everything she'd said, how she'd held him back when he could've gone after Sasori… _I could've saved you…_

"I'm… I'm just a disappointment in your eyes, a freak," Deidara looked to his feet, tears falling, his mind still spinning from the mix of emotions and drugs.

"No!" his mother spluttered, wrapping her arms around Deidara and pulling him towards her, "Oh God Dei… no… don't think like that, I love you, I want to help you…"

Deidara froze in his mother's arms, and cut her off, "You can't help me," he spat, his eyes narrowing, "You didn't believe we loved each other, you didn't accept me…_us…_ Now, I'm never going to see him again, just because we have to hide from all these damn people," Deidara sobbed, and pushed away from his mother, breaking her hold, "He got beaten for being with me, attacked. This whole thing… It could've been avoided, but me and my stupid fucking emotions… It's my fault," Deidara paused, and gasped for air, feeling himself starting to completely loose control again.

His mother sat for a moment, watching her son sob into his hands over his dead lover. He was too young for this, she wanted so desperately to change places with him, to protect him. As she edged towards him, the smell of alcohol hit her. _He's been drinking… he never drinks…_

She pulled her son's chin up, making him face her. His pupils were dilated, and the jacket he had draped around his shoulders smelt of a mix of marijuana, alcohol and smoke. She dismissed everything, and wrapped her arms around Deidara, shocked at his reaction. She pulled him towards her again, tightly, and ran her hands through his hair, rocking gently, comforting him.

"Oh Dei…" she murmured, kissing the top of his head, "I didn't realise it was this deep… If only you'd told me…I'm…I'm sorry Deidara…"

Deidara relaxed in his mother's embrace, and sobbed quietly until no more tears fell.

"I… I need to go and sleep now," he murmured, pushing himself away from his mother. She looked at him, concerned. She didn't know how she could comfort him, and she noted that her eyelids were starting to grow heavy, lack of sleep taking its toll. She stood with her son, and wrapped her arm around him again, walking with him to the doorway of his room.

She pulled him into a hug, trying to ignore the overwhelming, toxic smells that screamed that everything was going wrong, falling apart for her only son. She needed to be there for Deidara, not lecture him; not now.

Deidara looked up to her, his bloodshot eyes and blotchy face searching desperately for answers, comfort, that his mother couldn't give; that no one could give.

He padded quietly into his room, and murmured "Good night" to his mother as the door clicked shut behind him.

Sighing, he slumped onto his bed, and reached into Itachi's jacket pocket, toying with the objects inside. He pulled out a half empty box of cigarettes, a lighter, and more importantly, the carefully folded note that Sasori had left him.

Deidara paused, and opened the note again; lying in the dull light of his room, reading and re-reading the precious words his lover had left him. Tears fell silently as he reached the last sentence yet again, and his mind started to wander what Sasori had done after that, how he had felt.

Was it wrong, Deidara thought, as he drifted off to sleep, still blanketed by Itachi's jacket, still clutching the note close to his heart, that he wished for the cold metal to take his life also…so he could be reunited with his Sasori-kun…?


	10. Chapter 10

The morning was cold, frost coating the leaves that half covered Deidara's window. Deidara edged out of his bed, softly padding to his mirror. He was a wreck, it hurt to open his eyes, and as the pale morning light bit through the window, he winced.

He slowly pulled the brush through his hair, trying to ignore the stabbing pain that ran through his hair every time the brush snagged on a knot. He left his hair down, and sighed as he silently pulled off the clothes from the night before, and pulled on a darker shirt, dark jeans, and Itachi's jacket.

He carefully picked up the note Sasori had left him, folded it and put it in Itachi's pocket, sweeping up the cigarette box and lighter at the same time and placing those on top of the paper.

He studied his face again in the mirror. His eyes were dull, still slightly bloodshot. His hair fell in rough waves, un-kept, and the dark clothes he wore, teamed with the oversized hoodie swamped his small frame, and made his complexion paler than usual. He looked…dead. _Ironic, I look how I feel_… he mused, his broken attempt at humour making him wince further still.

A soft knocking at his door broke his thoughts, and he sighed. Probably his mother, coming to talk some more… make him unearth the feelings he was trying so desperately to hide.

He ignored the knocking, and brushed strands of gold away from his tired, pained face, still staring blankly at his reflection.

"Hey, Deidara, can I come in?"

A voice, not his mother's, sounded through the door. Deidara tilted his head slightly, trying to place the familiar sound, whose usual cold edge was softened.

Not waiting for an answer, the door pushed open, and Deidara looked, puzzled, as Itachi walked in, smiling weakly.

"I thought I'd come walk with you, I walk alone anyway so…" Itachi walked up to the blond, who still stood, silent, and placed his dark nailed hand onto Deidara's shoulder, "…are you alright?"

Deidara stood, and looking into Itachi's eyes, which he noted didn't have contacts in, and smiled weakly, his cheeks burning a shade of crimson that usually tinted the Uchiha's eyes, "…I've got one hell of a hangover, un." Itachi relaxed slightly, and smiled.

"Well, luckily for you I know how to solve that one, experience and all," he joked, and turned, walking to the door.

Deidara started after him, glancing to the mirror once again. He pushed his hand into the pocket of his newly acquired jacket, and a painfully familiar pang of guilt shot through him as his fingers touched the paper and he realised that his shoulder was tingling from the dark haired boy's touch.

He followed Itachi out of his room, and shut his door behind him with a dull click. As he walked towards the front door, he turned to see his mother smiling at him weakly. She walked to him, and kissed him on his forehead.

"Love you Dei-kun, come home safe, yeah?"

Deidara smiled up to his mother, and nodded as he walked out of the front door to his waiting raven haired friend, who had his characteristic cigarette hanging from his mouth.

Itachi smiled weakly at Deidara's disapproving look, "Old habits die hard… Had to get some more, what with you stealing my only pack like that," Itachi grinned, and mocked shock, which made Deidara smile slightly.

They walked quietly after that, and turned the corner at the end of the street, where, Deidara remembered, with a painful sinking feeling consuming his body, Sasori waited for him everyday.

He stood for a moment, and remembered Sasori's warm smile as he'd given Deidara the small heart shaped lollipop, remembered how he'd held him tightly and thought, _so naively_, that the grip would never loosen, that they'd stay that way forever…

Deidara turned to Itachi, sighing heavily as he caught up with the taller boy, who had carried on walking as Deidara ran painful memories through his mind.

"College… Sucks, un."

Itachi raised his eyebrow, looking questioningly at the blond "Huh, why would you say that…?

Deidara frowned, a wave of anger coursing through his body, "They'll be there…" he murmured, his voice trailing off as Itachi almost choked on his cigarette.

Itachi shook his head, and turned to Deidara, half smiling, "Look, firstly, you won't have to worry about those guys. Second, I meant why would you say college?"

Deidara sighed again. As much as he didn't feel like sitting through lessons, the one thing he would begrudge more was drinking…taking more drugs… he wanted to feel numb; of course he did, but his small frame still ached from the night before.

Itachi read Deidara's expression, and smiled warmly, "Relax kid, today is most definitely chill out time for you."

Deidara looked to Itachi, and mustered the warmest smile he could…considering the fact that he felt so cold, so distant to the world.

"We're going to my flat, we can just hang out there," Itachi said quietly, quickening his pace, "It'll be a refreshing change, I'm usually holed up in there by myself, and hey," he said, looking to Deidara over his shoulder, "Misery loves company, right?"

* * *

Itachi shifted uncomfortably as he pushed the key through the keyhole. His apartment had always been a mess, but his only visitor since… _her…_ never seemed to care. As he pushed the door open, he felt a tinge of embarrassment.

Deidara walked into the apartment, and stifled a grin. The apartment was sparsely furnished, with the basics of a kitchen and an empty living room bar a small, dusty stereo that sat in the corner.

Itachi cleared his throat, and opened the door to his room, walking over to the curtains and sweeping them open to let daylight in.

This room wasn't much better, the floor blanketed with dust, the bedcovers unmade. Sketches and discoloured posters clung to the wall, some falling forward with the weight of the paper.

The walls themselves were cracked, and were painted an off blue colour, with the paint spilling onto the floor below and tinting it.

The room was also bare, with a small single bed pushed into the corner, a dust caked TV set and a small cupboard. Deidara raised his eyebrow slightly, and looked to the dark haired boy who called this place home.

Itachi knelt in front of the TV, and pressed the power button in. He tapped the side of the set lightly, and then harder to make the picture come into view, rolling his eyes and cursing as he did.

Deidara smiled slightly at Itachi's annoyed expression, and how his dark brown eyes flashed with anger and frustration as he cursed the TV.

Itachi pushed himself up from the floor, turning the volume up and throwing Deidara the remote.

"Make yourself at home," he said quietly, and made his way towards the kitchen.

Deidara walked towards Itachi's bed and sunk slowly onto the covers, sitting upright against the wall and half watching the TV, half thinking. He wondered how many people had been here, if Itachi had ever taken up the offers given by the flirtatious, giggling girls that admired him at college.

He scanned the room with his pale blue eyes, and smiled weakly. It was well lived in, and he noted that Sasori would've gone crazy from the mess and clutter that had built up in numerous parts.

He turned slightly, his keen artist's eyes wanting to admire the sketches that were pinned to the wall next to the head of the mattress. He gently traced his finger over the sketches, which were all painstakingly intricate, and tilted his head with curiosity as he realised one of the pictures seemed to be Itachi, with his arm wrapped around a dark haired girl.

_So this must be the girl Hero-kun is in love with…_ Deidara mused. She was pretty, slim, and had an awkward smile on her face. Itachi looked proud in the picture, content…

Deidara jumped as a loud smash interrupted his musing, and he turned to see Itachi cursing, a plate shattered on the floor around his feet. He pushed himself up from the bed, and walked over to the Uchiha, who was holding his hand and swearing under his breath.

Deidara's eyes widened slightly as he saw blood starting to form on the inside of Itachi's hand. Itachi placed his thumb over the wound, and turned to Deidara, smiling weakly.

"Well," he started, laughing quietly, "There goes your hangover cure…"

Deidara looked to the floor and realised that under the shards were bits of food. He smiled weakly, and started to brush the pieces carefully into his hands.

"Thanks, un," he murmured as the smell of the food wafted into his face, "It uh… smelt nice," he added, smiling up to Itachi, who was wrapping a bandage from the cupboard around his hand, wincing slightly as he saw the blood soak through the white layers of fabric.

Itachi grinned, and walked to his room, laughing that Deidara wouldn't be so nice if he'd tasted the food. Deidara brushed the remnants of the plate and meal into the small, metal bin, and followed Itachi to his room, slumping back onto the bed next to Itachi, who had already taken up his usual lying position, with his feet hanging from the side of the bed, examining his hand curiously.

"This'll be a bitch to heal," he murmured, tsk-ing slightly and turning to Deidara.

"I was clumsy, huh?"

Deidara smiled to Itachi, and nodded, noting how deep Itachi's dark eyes seemed.

"Why aren't you wearing your contacts, un?" he asked, curiosity getting the better of his manners. Itachi smiled, "My vision isn't exactly what it used to be, and sometimes my eyes could do with a break. Not like I'm going anywhere today so I left them out."

Deidara nodded, and started to think of the picture that was pinned on the wall next to Itachi. He had so many questions, but he didn't want to upset Itachi, didn't want to feel like he was asking unwanted questions; he knew all too well what a pain the attention was when you just wanted to forget, and Itachi seemed to avoid talking about the girl.

He watched for a moment as Itachi stared at the TV, squinting slightly.

"You should get glasses, un," he noted, and Itachi waved his hand dismissively, commenting that he'd rather go blind.

Deidara grinned for a moment, forgetting the pain and loosing himself in the world that was forming with just him and his Hero-kun, imagining Itachi waving a stick around, wearing thick black glasses and cursing as he bumped into things.

Itachi turned to the blond, who seemed to be zoning out, and flicked him playfully, grinning.

"Anybody home?"

Deidara smiled awkwardly, and took a deep breath. He wanted to know so…

"Itachi, who's the girl in that sketch?" he said quietly, fidgeting with his hands awkwardly and wincing as he realised he had the subtlety of a brick.

Itachi froze, his grin disappearing. He sighed, and turned to the blond, who obviously meant no harm with his question.

"Well," he said quietly. He knew there would be no Hidan to break off the awkward, painful explanation this time, and he didn't know where to begin.

Itachi scratched his head, not sure where to begin. He wasn't about to start pouring out his past; Deidara didn't need that, and neither did he.

He decided to keep it short, and smiled weakly, murmuring, "She… she was just someone I cared about a while ago." he paused, and looked at Deidara, who nodded, understanding him, "It's fine if you don't want to talk about it right now, un."

Itachi nodded, and relaxed more on the bed. "Thanks."

Deidara slumped lower, and closed his eyes, thinking of Sasori… about how he'd told him to move on. He started to understand why as he turned to look at the raven haired teen who was slouched next to him, frowning at the bandage wrapped around his bloodied hand. He could sense how broken Itachi was about the girl, and sighed.

"Something wrong?" Itachi asked, hearing Deidara sigh and averting his attention from his wound.

"Not really, un…" Deidara murmured, images of Sasori flashing through his mind, "I just…" He sighed, pausing and looking away from Itachi's questioning eyes, "I just really miss Sasori."

At the mention of Sasori's name, Deidara's voice cracked, and a familiar, cold sadness swept through his body.

"Oh…" Itachi murmured, not sure what to do. He edged closer to Deidara, and wrapped his arm around the blond, pulling him to his chest. Deidara leant against him, inhaling the sweet smells of aftershave and the bitter scent of alcohol, letting the soft fabric of Itachi's shirt comfort him, closing his eyes.

He didn't cry, he couldn't cry again… his still bloodshot eyes stung as tears threatened to fall, but he was bought back to reality by a soft touch running through his long, wavy blond hair.

Itachi gently stroked Deidara's hair, his fingers gently pulling through the knots, as he rested his chin on Deidara's head, murmuring that he'd be okay, and that things would start to seem better as time went on.

"No…" Itachi paused, shaking his head quietly, "no… that's wrong… things won't start to seem better…"

Deidara looked up, and saw that Itachi's deep brown eyes were glassy, uncharacteristic tears pricking his eyelids. Itachi turned his eyes away, avoiding eye contact with the blond. He couldn't seem weak, Deidara needed somebody strong to protect him…_a hero…_

Itachi's eyes widened, his memory flicking back to the line in the note that had Deidara so confused the day before.

_Maybe a hero can save you from your tears…_

A hero… Hero-kun… Itachi's thoughts were cut off, as he felt arms gently wrapping around his waist, and Deidara resting his head softly on his chest. Itachi looked, confused. He wanted nothing more than to return the embrace, but no… the time wasn't right…

"Things _will_ start to get better," Deidara murmured, squeezing Itachi slightly, reassuringly, "my Hero-kun…"

Itachi flinched at the comment, he didn't want to react… he didn't want to show he was hurt, show his vulnerability. He rested his hand around Deidara's back subconsciously, unintentionally.

For a moment, he relaxed in Deidara's arms, but he couldn't let his mind wander… all this was, all this could ever be, was a hug, between friends.

_Friends…_ Itachi felt his face redden, and cleared his throat, pushing himself up and breaking the hold Deidara had on his waist.

"Yeah, they will," he said simply, walking to the TV and turning the volume up, facing away from Deidara, waiting for the redness to fade. _Why am I such an idiot? _He thought, cursing silently in his mind.

He pushed himself up, and grimaced at the TV, which was blaring out feedback. Itachi rolled his eyes and turned to Deidara, noticing that the blond was watching him.

"Nothing to do, huh?" he said quietly, sitting back on the bed, though putting more space between him and Deidara than before.

Deidara shook his head in agreement, staring at the TV. He was angry with himself, he'd gone too far. Guilt consumed his small frame, and he sighed.

"I wish…" he murmured, trying to pick his words right, "I wish… I couldn't feel this pain anymore…"

Itachi's ears pricked up, hearing Deidara's hint… he knew what he meant.

"I guess I can sort that out for you," he murmured, half smiling and walking over to his cupboard, pulling out a small bag and some cigarettes. He quickly pulled the cigarettes apart vertically, emptying the contents and replacing them with the bag's.

He licked the cigarette paper, sticking the sides back together and twisting. He passed one to Deidara, and Deidara eyed it curiously.

"I don't…smoke, un." He murmured, and Itachi waved his hand dismissively.

"Hardly smoking," he said, wincing at how tetchy he seemed, adding softly, "…and hey, you wanted to feel numb, right?"

Deidara nodded, and watched as Itachi lit it, brining it to his lips and inhaling deeply. He spluttered, and Itachi laughed.

"You shouldn't take so much in, you've never tried it before," he grinned as Deidara coughed, and stood, tapping him on the back.

Deidara looked up into Itachi's dark eyes, and smiled hazily. It was strong stuff, and he winced slightly as it coated the back of his throat, a hot sensation unlike anything he'd felt before burning it's way down his neck.

Itachi smiled, and exhaled smoke rings, leaning back and sighing, contented, numbed. He turned slightly, and noticed Deidara watching the rings disperse into the air.

"Want to learn?" He asked, tilting his head and looking towards Deidara.

Deidara grinned, and shifted closer to Itachi, "Yeah, un," he smiled, hooking his arm through Itachi's, "Teach me."

Itachi looked over to his side and smiled to Deidara, laughing as he said "I always knew you _admired me_ for that."

"What? _Shut up, _un," Deidara said, putting the joint to his lips and inhaling again, looking frustrated as he blew out a cloud of smoke which mixed with the halos that Itachi made.

"Teach me!" He giggled, smiling weakly as he looked into Itachi's deep brown eyes.

* * *

_  
It's a funny feeling, how time seems to speed along when you…aren't there. Not mentally. I took Itachi's drugs regularly after that. Not always, I wanted to stay sober sometimes, if only to think about Sasori-kun. I'd think it would be a good idea, and end up in tears. Pushing unwanted emotions away is a lot easier with drugs pumping through your system._

_I guess I started to recover slowly, time passed by, a couple of blurred, hazy weeks, sprinkled with tears. I always though, guiltily, that it felt better… they were right however; the first days were the most painful._

_Itachi turned up more, which was strange; he usually preferred his own company, not that I cared – his company was welcome. He understood, he didn't ask questions, he was just…there. His presence was comforting, we grew closer. He seemed to know when I was having a bad day, knew exactly what to say, how to act around me. Our similarities became more apparent as we spent more time together, and we often spent days just staring at the sky, talking about everything and nothing._

_I stayed at home for those couple of weeks; I couldn't face classes, face people… I couldn't deal with the false concern people would show me, people who before, didn't care, didn't talk to me – sniggered at me and Sasori. They'd come up to me and ask me questions, really just wanting news they could spread around. I didn't care about education either – what was the point when my entire future had been wiped away?_

_Everything - education, socialising… life… seemed so unimportant next to the death of the one person I'd ever cared for; My Sasori…_

_That's why I continued using the drugs, it numbed me… stopped me doing something stupid. I needed it, it was my cure, the one thing that protected me from the world._

_I'd sit on my bed all day long, watching TV, not even knowing what was flickering in front of my eyes. I'd stare at my ceiling blankly, listening to the dull ticking of my life passing by, not thinking, not feeling. God, it felt so good next to the grief I felt the moment I was sober… _

_Gradually, I started being able to think about Sasori while I was sober without crying, though my heart was still torn. I slowly felt that I was regaining my old self, regaining my will to live, to carry on… though smiles, laughter…happiness were a long way away._

* * *

Itachi paused, clearing his throat and shifting uncomfortably.

"…What happened?" Deidara murmured, moving over to make room for Itachi to sit on the bed next to him, "Why that face, Itachi?"

Itachi leant back on his hands, trying to un-tense, "Well," he murmured, "We… we had a memorial day at college today, for Sasori. Everyone got to say goodbye… It was pretty sad, there were kids who didn't know him in tears; the… suicide story really hit home…"

"Oh…" Deidara murmured. This was the first time Sasori had been mentioned in a while, and though the wounds were starting to heal, he still felt as though he'd been punched in the stomach whenever he thought about the red haired boy. His eyes glazed over with fresh tears, tears he'd been hiding for so long…

"I… knew this would come," he murmured, choking slightly, his voice rasping as his throat tightened, "I wasn't ready for it…"

"Hey…" Itachi murmured, tightening his hold on Deidara, "look, no one's ever expecting you to forget about Sasori… the pain, it doesn't get easier," he paused, remembering the last time he'd said that, how he'd left the sentence unfinished, "…but you learn to deal with it, you learn to cope in your own way."

* * *

­­­­­ 

A month after Sasori's death, Deidara _did_ learn to deal with it, he coped. He lived through each day blocking out the pain, avoiding places, objects that reminded him of his dead lover.

The incessant bleeping of his alarm clock once again sounded, only this time, he was awake. He lay, his eyes staring forward emotionlessly, not thinking, not feeling.

He knew he'd have to face college again, he was falling behind. He didn't care, but he could tell by his mother's concerned face whenever she caught him sitting in the house during the day that she was starting to grow weary. She needed her son back, she needed him to _want_ to live, want to carry on.

He slammed his hand against the alarm clock, deadening its noise and lying still in the silence before the chaos of the day began. His room was still dark, the beginnings of the day not yet touching it. He stared forward, and blinked, his eyes hazy from the lack of sleep he so desperately needed.

He felt lonely, empty. He pushed himself up from his bed, still wearing the clothes from the day before that he'd retreated to bed in the night before. He let out a quiet, tired sigh, and walked to the bathroom, his bare feet not making noise against the plush carpet.

He twisted the tap, watching as scalding hot water spouted from the shower head. Undressing, he stepped into the shower, not paying attention as the water burnt at his skin.

He stared up to the shower head, letting the water pour onto his naked skin, remnants of the dark eyeliner he wore streaking down his face as he half heartedly massaged shampoo into his golden, un-kept hair, teasing his fingers through the knots that had formed.

He paused, rubbing his eyes and wincing as the shampoo mixed with the hot water, stinging. _At least…_ he mused sadly _I can still feel pain._

Steam clouds surrounded him, and for a moment he pretended he was in his own little world, where the clouds shrouded everything that had gone wrong, protected him, kept him safe.

He thought silently about the events of the past month, hot tears threatening to flow again as he remembered day one; finding Sasori, lying there, alone, hurting…

Deidara reached for the taps, and twisted them, stopping the water. Cold air hit his body, and he shivered slightly as he stepped out of the shower, the hot water cooling on his body and dripping from his hair.

He wrapped a towel around himself, letting the softness comfort him, closing his eyes for a moment, pausing and appreciating the quiet.

He walked over to the mirror, clearing it of condensation with a sweeping movement, and pushed his hair out of his eyes, for once revealing two almond shaped pools of pale blue that stared back at him emotionlessly… _dead._

He hated that word; hated how easily it was thrown around. He felt as if the definition was blurred, everything it had ever meant to him.

Before… before he simply shrugged off death; while it was a sad occurrence the people went to heaven, to a better place where they were happy. Now he saw it as a divide, as a barrier to Sasori.

A searing pain ran through his body, questioning mortality tended to do that, though he usually stopped his train of thought before the pain hit him. He sighed heavily and started to rub a towel through his hair, still staring at the mirror.

Deidara walked out of the bathroom to his bedroom, and picked out a pale top and jeans from his cupboard. His hair was still damp, wavy. He left it flowing down his back, and pulled Itachi's jacket on, inhaling the intoxicating smells that blanketed the fabric.

He once again paused, and stared at his reflection in the mirror that hung from his wall. It scared him how cold he could look, how he could be alive but feel so lifeless.

He picked up his rucksack and swept the contents of his cluttered desk into the open pocket, remembering how he'd thrown his rucksack on enthusiastically on the first day, rushed to meet Sasori.

It felt like the first day all over again; only this time there was no enthusiasm, just a rising dread in the pit of his stomach as he faced college without his lover, without the one person who made everything okay in the world.

He walked out of his room, closing the door behind him, hearing the click that sounded the beginning of his new life, his new start that he didn't want; his start without Sasori.

Deidara's mother wrapped her arms around her son as he made his way towards the door, and kissed him gently on his forehead, sweeping his hair from his eyes. He smiled weakly, and left his home, shutting the door behind him and making the journey to college in silence.

He noted, as he walked past the string that usually held the lanterns, that his and Sasori's lantern had fallen, and had been crushed in the road by a car. The small pieces of paper that made up the lantern were now strewn across the tarmac.

Every step he took, an old memory was refreshed, painfully clear in his mind. It was as though he was watching himself, watching as his mind wandered and precious memories burst into his consciousness.

He paused at the end of the street and sighed heavily. Four weeks ago Sasori would've been waiting for him, smiling and commenting that he was running late

He brushed strands of blond from his face again, and readjusted his rucksack, speeding up and blocking out memories. He couldn't break down again, he needed to carry on.

* * *

"…So then I said _fuck no_, bitch," Hidan laughed, waving his arms around dramatically, "there is no _way_ you stand a chance with _moi_."

Itachi rolled his eyes, hearing about Hidan's latest conquest was common practice, and he exhaled the bitter tobacco and smiled half heartedly, "Damn, you told her, huh?"

"Fuck yeah," Hidan grinned, running his hand through his grey hair and winking at Itachi, to which Itachi smirked, raising his eyebrow and rolling his eyes again.

"Hidan pulled again?" a rough, rusty voice cut through the light hearted conversation, and Kisame walked over to the pair, leaning his elbow on Itachi's shoulder.

The physical contact between himself and the blue haired teen made Itachi's blood run cold, and a shudder of fear shot through his body. _Stay cool…_He thought to himself, grimacing and forcing a smile towards Kisame.

Kisame grinned back, and rested his arm around Itachi's shoulders. Itachi shifted awkwardly under the larger teen's weight, and looked to his feet uncomfortably. As he started to think of a reason to leave, he heard a familiar, soft voice call to him.

"Itachi-san!"

A rush of blond hair blurred past Itachi's face, and his breath was knocked out of him as Deidara hugged him affectionately. Hidan raised his eyebrows and laughed slightly, commenting that he didn't know Itachi had pulled; a comment met with a glare that screamed "don't say such inappropriate fucking things," from Itachi.

Hidan laughed nervously and backed off, dragging Kisame away to find Kakuzu. Itachi sighed, and dropped his cigarette on the floor, stubbing it out with the bottom of his worn shoe. He rested his hand around Deidara and smiled weakly.

"I didn't think you were going to come back for a while," he murmured, looking down to Deidara.

Deidara smiled awkwardly back at the Uchiha, and made a puzzled expression, "I'm not really sure why I did come back, un" he started quietly, "I guess I just needed a friend around, it got pretty lonely at home."

Itachi nodded, understanding, and pulled away from the hug as the bell sounded for class. Before he opened his mouth to suggest skipping class, Deidara shook his head.

"No skipping today, un," he said quietly, and started making his way to the double doors that marked the entrance of the building. Itachi caught up with the blond, who was walking faster than usual, with his head down, avoiding eye contact with well meaning strangers.

"Hey fair enough, but wait up, huh?" Itachi gasped, the unexpected sprint taking his breath away. They walked quietly, pushing through the double doors and into the corridor, enclosing themselves from the world; comforted by each other's presence.

Deidara kept his line of vision directed to the floor, and tried not to react as three hulking frames walked past him, one barging into him, knocking him and making him stumble.

Itachi glared to the first figure, his eyes narrowing. Deidara didn't need this, not today of all days.

The larger boy turned to Itachi, grimacing. He paused, slowly turning to the blond, smirking.

"How's Red head these days," the boy started, grinning as he saw a wave of anger and hurt flash across Deidara's face. He laughed again, and cruelly continued, feigning innocence, "…oops."

The boom of his hysterics rippled through Deidara's body. Itachi watched as Deidara clenched his fists, his eyes widening and the small boy smashed his fist to the larger teen's face as hard as he could, a loud crack sounded through the group as the boy's tooth splintered.

The boy looked shocked, instinctively putting a hand to his wounded face. Blood dribbled down his chin, and he glared at the blond boy, who was squaring up to him; ready for a fight. He wasn't used to people fighting back.

"You're gonna pay for that, fucking brat!" the boy screamed, angered and humiliated. He stepped forward, closing the gap between him and the smaller teen. Deidara narrowed his eyes, and didn't move out of the way as the boy swung his arm back, his hand clenched into a fist ready to pummel the blond.

Itachi lunged forward as the boys fist thundered towards Deidara's body, smashing into Deidara and knocking him into the lockers, taking the full blow of the punch on his shoulder, the thud sounding through the corridor as he winced slightly.

"Watch what you're doing you fucking loser" Itachi growled, slamming his fist into the larger boy's face.

Deidara felt his anger draining away as reality hit home; Itachi was protecting him, and was hurt just because he hadn't controlled himself. _I'm so stupid... _He thought to himself, not knowing what to do as he watched the fight unfold.

Itachi began to struggle as the boy overpowered him, his bulk outweighing the Uchiha's. The two boys that were grouped with the larger teen were yelling, jeering at Itachi. Deidara trembled, still pushed against the lockers, not knowing how to help.

He watched as the second teen stopped jeering, his facial expression changing as a sadistic idea ran through his mind. He reached into his sports bag, and grinned as he pulled out a large wooden bat.

Deidara felt his heartbeat quicken, petrified by the situation. He felt powerless, and lunged towards the boy with the bat, trying desperately to defend his friend, who seemed to be overpowering the teen he was fighting. He couldn't let Itachi fight on his own, but as he stood in front of the teen with the bat he trembled, loosing confidence. These were the boys who'd beaten Sasori so easily…

The boy noticed Deidara edging towards him, and slammed him back against the lockers, laughing as Deidara sunk to the floor once again, terror tainting his features.

"What the fuck Itachi," the boy with the bat sneered, throwing his bat from hand to hand, smirking as he continued, "Protesting for the fags now?"

The larger boy was still struggling with Itachi, who slammed his knee into his stomach as he tried to pin him down. People had begun to gather around the fight, though, Deidara noted, no one seemed to be willing to protect Itachi.

Itachi quickly got distracted as the second boy joined the fight, swinging his bat around and laughing as it crunched heavily into Itachi's ribs. He let his guard down, and the first boy took the opportunity to grab his hair, twisting it in his fist and smashing Itachi's head into his knee.

Itachi stumbled back, dazed, and pushed himself forward, launching himself into an attack again, only to be smashed in the back by the heavy wooden bat. He wheezed as pain shot through his body and he fell to his knees, coughing and feeling hot blood drip from his mouth.

"Not so tough now, huh Itachi?" The second boy snarled, raising his bat and crunching it against the Uchiha's back, slamming him against the cold tile floor.

Itachi winced, trying not to give the boys a satisfaction of a reaction, and tried to push himself back up. He couldn't loose, he was known as someone with power, strength. He wasn't weak…

As that thought flashed through his mind a new strength took over his body, rage consuming him as he slammed his body into the larger boys, smashing him against the wall. His arms pummelled with inhuman speed, each hit smashing harder into the boy's face, blood starting to drench Itachi's fists.

"Fuck…you!" Itachi wheezed as his fist hit the boy again and again. The boy panicked; seeing his friends back up, not willing to face the boy when he was in such a state. "S…Stop," he begged, moaning as Itachi's knuckles met his skin, each time creating a fresh wound on already battered skin.

Itachi felt as strong hands gripped around his body, and started to thrash, ready to take on a new opponent.

"Itachi, what the fuck?!" A familiar voice, Kisame, cried out, struggling to control to raven haired boy. He pulled Itachi back, and tried to hold him still, failing to calm the teen.

"Let me go Kisame!" Itachi screamed, kicking out at his friend, loosing control, "Let me fucking go, LET ME JUST FUCKING KILL HIM!"

The teen who had previously fallen victim to Itachi's anger started to back away, and his friends followed him down the hallway, away from the dark haired boy and his friends.

"Itachi," Kisame said loudly, trying to talk over the hysterical teen, "Itachi, let it go!"

Itachi shook his head violently, trying to escape Kisame's grip. Kisame sighed, and grabbed his friend's shoulders, pinning him against the lockers away from the dispersing crowd.

Deidara pushed himself up away from the lockers where he'd fallen, and walked towards the two boys, guilt clouding his expression, "I'm so sorry Itachi…" he stuttered, fidgeting awkwardly with his hands as he studied Itachi's face, "I didn't want you to get hurt…"

Kisame turned to the blond and grimaced, then turned back to Itachi, taking in the details of the fight. Itachi's shirt was tattered, and as Itachi calmed down slightly Kisame let him go, watching as the boy opened his top to see the damage.

His pale body was littered with newly forming bruises, and he winced as he traced his finger down his ribcage, hearing a dull crunch as he pressed down on the bone. Kisame reached his hand forward, "Let me see," he said quietly, gently touching under Itachi's ribcage. Itachi shifted uncomfortably, not liking, _not understanding_, why Kisame felt the need for the contact.

"Fuck…" he murmured nervously, coughing again, ignoring the blood that dribbled down his chin, "…bastards…they got me pretty good, huh?"

Kisame grabbed Itachi's wrist angrily, frustrated that Itachi could take this so lightly, "Itachi, what the fuck was that?" Kisame paused, his eyes narrowing, genuine concern hinting in his voice, "those guys are fucked in the head, they could've killed you."

"Heh, would've died for a good cause, they made fun of Deidara" Itachi wheezed, smiling weakly, wincing as the split in his lip opened again, "Almost had 'em too."

Kisame slammed his fist angrily against the brickwork next to Itachi's head, "All this?" He growled, "All this to defend that fucking fag?!"

Deidara stared for a moment, not knowing what to do. He wasn't about to argue with Kisame, and he couldn't believe what had just happened. _All of this… all of this was for me?_

Itachi leant forward, squaring up to Kisame. His face millimetres from Kisame's.

"Shut the fuck up," he hissed under his breath, adding acidly, "You can hardly talk Kisame."

Kisame smashed his fist into the bricks again, closer to Itachi's face. He tried to control his anger, but as he looked into Itachi's eyes he saw pure venom, _hate_.

He backed away, clenching his fists, trying not to snap… Itachi hadn't flinched from his position, and Kisame grimaced as he brushed past Deidara, walking away from the pair.

_How could Itachi care for someone as pathetic as you? _He thought, glaring at the clueless blond.

Itachi and Deidara both watched as Kisame walked down the corridor, turning the corner and out of their line of vision. Deidara shifted uncomfortably again, blushing slightly as he noted Itachi's shirt was still open.

"I'm… I'm so sorry, un" he whispered, edging towards the boy, who still stood against the wall. He paused for a moment, listening to Itachi's laboured breathing, watching him wince as his chest expanded and his rib crunched quietly.

Itachi tilted his head, and smiled weakly at the blond, whose face was contorted into a guilty, uneasy smile. "It's fine," he said quietly, as warmly as he could muster, "I mean, I'll have a story for the next couple of weeks now," Itachi paused for breath, trying to make his voice clearer, "and hey, y'know the girls love a story."

He laughed for a couple of seconds, quickly starting to cough. Deidara smiled weakly as the teen commented that it was a "stupid fucking idea" to laugh, and moved closer to him, their bodies inches apart.

"Let me see?" he asked quietly, cutting Itachi's laughter short. Itachi blushed, looking to his feet as he nodded.

Deidara gently placed his hand on Itachi's bruised chest, and traced it down to his stomach, where he let it rest against the black and brown bruises that painted Itachi's porcelain skin.

Itachi closed his eyes, wincing at the pain of the weight resting against his body, and at the same time appreciating the warmth in the touch. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt safe, secure with another person like this.

Gently, he placed his hand over Deidara's, looking to the blond, watching as his features gradually tinted pink. He smiled warmly, and winced again, his lip starting to trickle with blood.

"Ouch…" he murmured, touching his other hand to his lip and examining the blood that stained his polished finger.

Deidara tilted his head questioningly, and looked at Itachi's hand. He pulled the battered teen's hand down, leaning in to look at his face. The split in Itachi's lip widened, almost reaching his chin. The flesh around it wound was raw, and blood seeped from the opening.

Itachi winced as he tried to smile again, and Deidara grabbed his wrist gently, leading him to the office.

A crash behind them made them turn, both curious to the cause.

"Motherfucker…"Hidan slurred, making a V sign to the lockers he had crashed into. He sniffed loudly, and wiped his nose on his sleeve before stumbling towards the pair.

"I swear to God man…" Hidan said, slapping his hand against Deidara's back, "You're a fast mover. Getting in with Itachi like that…"

He laughed loudly, and turned to Itachi. As he realised Itachi was hurt, his eyes widened. Shakily, he reached an unsteady hand to Itachi's face, pressing his finger onto the boy's facial wound to check he wasn't hallucinating.

"HIDAN," Itachi growled, slapping him around the head. The slap told Hidan that he wasn't hallucinating at all.

"Fuck man, what happened to you…?"

Hazy, lilac tinted eyes tried to focus on the Uchiha, as the blond teen cleared his throat to explain.

"I was an idiot, un…" Deidara started, uneasy in the company of the obviously wrecked older teen, "…Itachi protected me."

Hidan's eyes narrowed, and he leant closer to Itachi, "This true?"

Itachi nodded his head, and Hidan leapt up, almost pulling the dark haired teen back with him as he screamed that he would kill them.

He pushed himself away from the pair, and launched himself towards the double doors, ranting to himself and threatening to kill the thin air that rushed past him as Deidara and Itachi turned to each other, smiling weakly.


End file.
